inanutshell

The (dis)Comfort of Trust

2012-02-16T08:55:00.001-08:00

God rarely makes sense in the ways that chooses to do things. As he's up there brainstorming ideas and whatnot, somebody's looking over his shoulder at his notes and simply saying
"really.. That's the way you're choosing to do this, THIS is the solution you're sticking with then!? Nobody is gonna believe you!! Do something more traditional" and with a look of doubt & a scoff, they turn away.

Story of my life!!!! If God doesn't give me a kajillion dollars when I realize the budget is tight, I tend to worry. I begin to doubt the decisions I've made to get me here. I begin believing that my decisions and ability to screw it up is bigger than Gods desire to provide for me.
This morning though, I choose to trust that he has me. I trust that he wants to take care of me. I trust that he wants to provide.
By no means is it easy, by no means does it make much sense... But I have resolved that God won't use a stressed Bree... Therefore a trusting Bree will just have to do.
Here goes nothing, or perhaps.. It's everything!!

Psalm 3:5 -- trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
1 Timothy 6:17
Luke 12:22+

Words.

2012-02-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

I absolutely love words!

I love that with the right combination of them, you can say anything you want.

You can express your intangible emotions with words. You can make up an alternate reality or another world with words. You can build someone up, and tear someone else down; with words. You can speak life into people with words. Fact, words are incredibly powerful!

And ironically enough, this video speaks very few.

Poles polls pulls pools

2012-02-09T00:32:00.000-08:00

His shoes won't stay on his feet. She ran out of gas. She wants to play a game with you. He wants to tell you his life story. She tries to shock you with the truth. She is overwhelmed. He forgot his jacket. She has a tummy ache. He doesn't understand love. He is afraid...

They all express this to you.
Today.

Your reaction matters.
What will you say?
What will your face tell them?
How long will it take you to answer?
Cause it matters,

today you will shape their forever.

Their forever.
They aren't going to remember that you were tired, or that you were sick, or that you didn't understand, or that you deserved better.

They are going to remember that you rolled your eyes, that you didn't play, that you shrugged them off.

That you just let them believe their lie.
Your reaction matters.
.
.
.
...
......
..

You matter.

Sin sucks....

2012-01-31T22:14:00.000-08:00

…. the life out of you.

I hadn’t gotten it before and I am not claiming that I have it now. But Karen & I were talking today and just trying to wrap our minds around sin, sorta. Here’s what we got, or at least the idea/analogy I got from it all:

You are an athlete of sorts and one day you are out and about having fun.. doing crazy things and you get hurt. We’ll say you sprained your ankle. The reality of it is this: you are NOT running around on it the next day. No sir-ee!! You are icing, resting, resting, icing. That thing is hurting!! You may try to walk, or run, or limp. But no way man. You’re out!!

At least for a time. Until you get better. Until it is healed.

Well, in some odd way I feel that sin is just like that. When you sin you are down for the count. You are out of the game. At least for a time. I mean, you may try to carry on like nothing happened, but it did. And you know it. And somehow the Christians around you may know it too.

Cause I mean let’s be honest; if your teammate sprains their ankle and attempts to play on it. They are NOT at 100% and you can tell. Sure that’s cool of them for trying, but over time it is not going to work out.

They have got to get off the field and get better.

That is what happens when we sin. We are out until we can truly reconcile our hearts to God. We are not as effective as we can be until we have healed. And unlike the world of sports; that healing process just might be our choice.

There is grace that is greater and Love that runs deep.

Take hope and live!!

Isaiah 6:7
2 Peter 1:5-7

a terrible person

2012-01-31T13:43:00.000-08:00

A breeze carries leaves through the air and the cloud cover confuses the weather into thinking today should be cold. It really isn't that cold, but then again I am wearing a sweater. Sitting on the picnic table I try to rid myself of onion breathe with a crisp apple, I think it might be working. Watching people as they pass, I am at rest.

A guy on his red bike. Looking closer, I see he is out of breathe, poor fellow! But wait, is that the same guy that nearly ran me over as I walked to my car at school? He zips down the hill and out of sight. Rising from that very spot I spot a dog walker. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five dogs. She has her ear buds in and is clearly unimpressed with the lush green of the valley below her and the swirl of leaves trying to keep pace with her and her pups.

She is also completely unaware of the fact that Fido right there has got to go! He tries once and she yanks him along. He slows once more. Tug tug tug. He gives up comfort and takes care of business right there on the trail, tail up, while they walk. She carries on. The jogger coming straight for them is captivated by the view of the valley below, unaware of the trail and the surprises Fido and his walker have left for anyone; for the the jogger.

For a second I consider calling out, telling Jogger to "look out!!". But instead I take another bite of my apple. The taste of sweet and bitter spice mixing for breathe I can only imagine will make a child flee from me at least twice this afternoon.

From the Archives: This one's been sitting as a draft for a while now & is begging for your thoughts... finally :)

2012-01-29T14:22:00.000-08:00

My cat’s name is Penne, you know, like the pasta!? Well her full name is Penelope Love Butt, but we’ll stick with Penne. Anyways!! So Penne.

I was thinking just now. A while back I had been worried about her cause she seemed so restless. Always following me around. Meowing more than usual. Getting antsy when we snuggled, and biting. All the time. Not to mention she was “missing the litter box”, if ya know what I mean!! Just completely out of character.

So I fussed over her. I worried about her. I lost sleep and I lost time because of it.

Then I realized I was losing my mind because of it.

I had let this little pet of mine control me.

Not on purpose; and it wasn’t manipulation.

It was worry.

So after much effort and realizations.. I stopped.

I simply stopped. I stopped worrying about her.

She was here for me.

I began to notice that she was happier.

She was less whinny.

She wanted to play outside.

She made it to the litter box.

It is only now though that I realize that Penne is no more than a reflection of my emotions. If I’m happy, she’s happy. If I’m nervous, so is she. If I lose sleep, the little one is restless. Yes, she still bites; but that’s just her saying “I’m hungry”.

She looks at me for food, water, fun, rest. She meows when I get home, and she stares when I leave. The thing sleeps, or stares at me. I am her everything (aside from moths). If I am well, she is well. So I need to be well.

There is a metaphor in here.. something I can learn about how I interact with God. I’m certain. :)

Kiddos!!

2011-12-13T09:47:00.001-08:00

I have absolutely loved being able to spend my time working with the kids at both Fort Washington as well as at Fugman. Learning to teach the children to handle conflict, hurt feelings, grief, anger, and excitement has been a challenge; but more than that it has been a delight! I love that as I learn how to teach, they learn how to live. God I ask that you bless these kids. Even though I will be spending my time more at Fugman and not at Fort; I think it is for the better. I ask that you place me well, and that these kids are able to grow into beautiful human beings; just as you made them. Let me not get in the way of what you are doing in their lives; but instead let me encourage them as they grow. I am excited to put aside the Mesa job and focus solely on the kids. I am excited to be consistent with them, seeing them both morning and afternoon on a daily basis. And I trust you to take care of the kids at Fort with out me!

Zero. Zip. Zilch.

2011-09-07T01:19:00.001-07:00

I had no idea.

I had no idea what I had signed up for, simply by getting out of bed this morning.

I had no idea that I would be asked to dance while at work.

I had no idea that in offering my friend a ride home from school; I would be so deeply encouraged as she shared her life with me, that in her vulnerability and honesty I would witness healing.

I had no idea that I could enjoy class more if I took the time to get to know my professor.

I had no idea that a spur of the moment In-N-Out run with my favorite sister would be so good and so necessary.

I had no idea that a hug could bring so much peace.

I had no idea that I was holding back and that honesty is the most freeing thing.

I had no idea that I would be so blessed with an abundance of free food.

I had no idea, but I am so glad.

So glad.

Thank you.

And that’s why you always stop to help people whose car has failed them!

2011-09-07T01:02:00.000-07:00

So I’m driving home from River Park and I see a man pushing a vehicle along the right shoulder of the road. I think to myself “Oh, I should help! Uhh wait, he’s almost to the gas station, by the time I pull over to help I won’t even be needed.” So I kept driving, I pass the first stoplight and I can’t stop thinking about it. I pass the second stoplight and Jeff’s sermon pops into my mind and I now feel guilty for not stopping to help. I realize I have nothing to gain by holding this regret all the way home; so I flip a U. I get back to the spot where I saw said vehicle. Nothing. I drive around a nearby parking lot. Nothing. I look harder. AHA!! Found them! I drive over, surveying the scene I realize that they are parked in a stall and that the gas station is closed. Rolling down my window I ask the man, “Hey! Are you the guy who was pushing his vehicle?!” He replies with a chuckle and says “yes”. I ask if I can help and he proceeds to explain that the problem actually can’t be fixed here, but that a tow truck is on its way. However he makes sure to express his appreciation for my concern. I brush it off as nothing, and realizing that I’m not gonna be of much help (just as I had predicted) I nod and say, “So, uh so then you guys are good. Do you need to call anyone? I mean… should I just go, or….” As I trail off the girl pops in; “Well, actually! Would you like some free Starbucks food!?” Caught completely off guard I furrow my brow and reply with, “Well, one can never refuse free food!?” I get out of my car and walk over. We make small talk she pulls out four breakfast sandwiches and a lunch wrap. Giving me the small bundle of food, she looks at me with recognition; although I look familiar, we can’t place it. After a couple seconds she too thanks me for my concern and as we say goodbye, her phone rings; their friends are on the way to help out. I smile and thank her, she waves goodbye.

And that was perty much it! I didn’t get to help them, but I did get free food out of the deal. It was an unexpectedly encouraging moment for me, and I got to giggle to myself all the way home.

New Book!

2011-06-23T14:33:00.000-07:00

Title: The Christian Atheist
Author: Craig Groeschel
Why this book: We choose it for my LifeGroup!!
How much I've read: One chapter
Thoughts so far: Wowza, I know I needed encouragement.. I just wasn't expecting it here.
Other thoughts: I really like Craig's writing style. It's conversational, and convicting.. yet invites you to be honest with yourself. I'm looking forward to more of it & will hopefully write again before I finish the book; we'll see though :)

Luke 6:45

2011-06-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

In my recent blog browsing I came across this statement:

In a sense, you are what you read. That’s why I like sharing what I’m reading. It’s more than what’s going on inside my mind. It’s who I’m becoming.

That hit me so hard!! I always thought about how what you read/watch affects your thoughts and actions. But the way Mark Batterson said it, It's who I'm becoming... that really made me think! So the books I choose, the movies I watch, the magazines I read.. those are what I am choosing to become!?

Think about it, and please share your thoughts with me if you have any!

windows and doors.

2011-04-22T14:16:00.000-07:00

I’m in a dimly lit room. No windows. No doors.

Sitting on the ground, I am content playing with my blocks.

A few moments pass and I hear something, a slight draft hits me and I look up. A man is there and a sliver of blue as tall as the room is revealed.

I’m slightly intrigued, but putting my head down I go on playing with my blocks.

As time goes by, the blue lightens and turns to pink, then a glowing orange.

I see the man now.

He is big. Gentle and strong; he smiles at me.

The sliver of orange gets larger as he opens the door.

My eyes follow him as he moves past the doorway to a window and begins to open the curtain. I am drawn to the beauty beyond. I drop my blocks and scoot towards the window. Outside I see a sight I have only before dreamed.

The man invites me to stand. I look into his eyes, and he directs my gaze to the room I am in. I notice for the first time its depth.

What I thought a cramped, dimly lit room has revealed to be a gorgeous library full of history, adventure, romance, and pain. The smell is so rich, so familiar. I am thrust into memories of long ago, and I begin to drown in the familiarity of it all.

The man calls me back towards himself. I join him at the window. Looking out the brightness is almost too much for me, but the beauty is so inviting.

I hoist myself onto the sill, ready to jump through to the land beyond. The man touches my arm. His smile is comfortable and I realize that I want him. I forget the room; I forget the unknown beauty of this world beyond. The man has captivated me.

As I study him, he holds my gaze.

We cross the room and I discover new things, at the same time remembering the old. I realize that this room is my home. When we reach the door I look out again. Its beauty is as strong as the first time I saw it, but I look and see nothing I know.

I begin to panic.

I want so much to experience this beautiful world beyond.

I see that the man has purposefully revealed it to me, but I don’t want to leave.

I want to stay in this room forever.

He is here, the familiar is here.

I look up at the man with tears in my eyes. Grateful of the land he has shown me, yet terrified at the thought of stepping into it.

He sees my tears and smirks, wiping them from my eyes. I understand that I am where I need to be; I am in this room, I am in his arms.

In revealing to me this new land I am seeing beauty. The brightness has shown me that there is more to this room than what was being experienced.

However, the door remains open, the window as well; their beauty a strong invite. But I am to stay with the man. I want to stay with the man.

He tells me that he is not ready to leave the room yet. There are more doors to open, more windows to reveal. He invites me to get comfortable, to enjoy every bit of the room.

We will leave, but not yet; and definitely not separate.

When he is ready, he will take my hand and together we will venture into the lands beyond. But until then I can explore the room in all its depth, looking out periodically to acquaint myself with the beauty that will someday be ours.

"There are basically two approaches to life: playing to win and playing not to lose."

2011-03-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

IN A PIT WITH A LION ON A SNOWY DAY
Mark Batterson
Page 118

month one, book one.

2011-02-09T00:34:00.000-08:00

Author: Mark Batterson

Chapters Read Thus Far: One

My Thoughts: This Is Gonna Be A Good Book

Page Number Quote Is Found On: Fifteen

Recommended By: Daniel Cox

Title: In a Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day

Quote -- I think the church has fixated on sins of commission for far too long. We have a long list of don'ts. Think of it as holiness by subtraction. We think holiness is the byproduct of subtracting something from our lives that shouldn’t be there. And holiness certainly involves subtraction. But I think God is more concerned about sins of omission – those things we could have and should have done. It’s holiness by multiplication. Goodness is not the absence of badness. You can do nothing wrong and still do nothing right. Those who simply run away from sin are half-Christians. Our calling is much higher than simply running away from what’s wrong. We’re called to chase lions.

Okay so here’s the “break it down into real life so that I can understand it” parallel:

So you may or may not know.. but I am not a health nut by any means! When given the choice I will gladly eat white bread over wheat bread. I snub my nose at whole grain pasta. And will not for the life of me eat bran anything.

I have tried every so often to eat healthier.. but always to my disappointment, a bucket of fruit didn’t give me the great happiness a whole box of chocolate cake could!

So I’d eat a box of cake, and feel like a sloth for the next 14 days.

And so the cycle continued, try fruit.. get bored, eat cake. Fruit, boredom, cake.. blah blagh blob.

I wanted to get in shape, but I couldn’t get the right foods in me to get moving.

So I sat there, unchanging and discouraged.

Likewise, I’m sure we all have sin in our lives we are failing to blow off. We take those sins and hold tight to them, because they are too difficult to release. But as we choose to hold tight to those sins, we may also choose to feel guilty about them. So we try to release our grip on them, and like fly paper they just keep sticking to our greedy palms. We see nothing but our sins and decided that since we are covered in fly glue, we won’t do anything. We’ll likely sticky up anything we touch.

Well, Batterson invites us to look beyond the sticky mess, beyond the sins, beyond the blobs we feel we are. He invites us instead to look at what we aren’t doing that God is also displeased with.

Recently, a friend invited me to run a half marathon with her. As she stood there with her invitation, I wondered if she could see that I was nothing more than a puddle of a person, eyeballs staring out from the box of cake holding me together.

I figured she was blind and accepted anyways.

I ate my captain crunch and met up with her.

As we would wake up early mornings to train, I began to desire the healthier foods I had once snubbed my nose at. As I consumed these foods, my performance improved. My endurance improved and I began to crave the runs. However, not once since I began training have I been burdened with the choice of choosing the “right food”. The “right food” has just made sense. It fuels me, I feel better, and that allows me to enjoy the run even more!

I think the idea I am attempting to parallel is this: Setting your sights on the bigger run is not overambitious; it’s smart. It forces the hand to feed you food instead of play with fly paper. So stop trying to stop. Just go.

books books books.

2011-01-30T22:46:00.000-08:00

Dear Anybody Who Reads This,
So I have had a number of books on my shelves for who knows how long. Some of them half read.. some are untouched.. all have been raved about by at least one friend. Well, I have decided to change this!! Here is a list of 11 books that I will read by the end of the year.. well actually I only listed 9 .. if you could help recommend something new by the end of the year that would be swell!! Hopefully this will keep me stuck to my goal.

February ------- When Pigs Move In
March ---------- Velvet Elvis
April ---------- Sex God
May ------------ One In A Million
June ----------- The Screwtape Letters
July ----------- The Shack
August --------- God On Campus
September ------ Soul Cravings
October -------- Mere Christianity
November ------- I'll take a recommendation here
December ------- another recommendation

Love,
Bree :)

Colanders

2011-01-27T13:16:00.000-08:00

Quick confession, this has been sitting as a draft for a while; but I think it is time.. if you read this I'd love to hear your thoughts!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok. So pretend that we are all colanders.

God can be... sand.. or water.
The holes in the colanders are all the places/ways in life that God is using us to bring his glory on earth.

So the water is poured into the colander. But it is then immediately poured out through the little holes. It is not always at the same rate that the water is put in, yet none-the-less; it pours out. As we let God pour into us, we are capable of pouring him straight back out. It is a steady flow; in comes God and out he goes. He can come into us anyway that he chooses, and he may choose to flow out through service, investing in people, or any other way. It's a healthy balance.

However, I think that maybe in life we get distracted by how many holes that God has put in our colander. And as the distractions take over, we freak out and ask him to take away the holes; or maybe we just try to plug up the holes ourselves. The only problem is that we can't actually plug the holes, or get rid of them. Even if you pour the water in only until it is full, the water will eventually flow right on through the colander; it’s inevitable. You can try to plug up the holes, and you can put other things in the colander to slow the flow… so that you can keep the water in; but the colander was made to flow, one way or the other it will let the water out.

The colander was made with the sole purpose of
allowing whatever was poured into it to flow out.

Instead of worrying about how to make holes, plug holes, or fill holes; focus on how to fill yourself with God. The holes are there.. invite the flow!

a new word.

2011-01-13T14:09:00.000-08:00

This compelled me to look up the definition of a word that is new to me.

I really like that word!! It seems to be that balance I’ve been looking for. That balance between bluntness, & nice (you know, the nicey-nice kind of nice that makes you wanna grab a persons shoulders and shake them?!)

And I like the idea of candor because when seen in a person; there is truth.

I think sincerity is the key. It keeps people in check.

one thing in common.

2011-01-13T13:28:00.001-08:00

i love her.

2011-01-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

Her name is Brooke Fraser.
This song is called Betty.
I saw her at a concert with a friend this past December and fell in love with her music.
Brooke loves Jesus. I love Jesus!
I like that we have that in common.
She is from New Zealand.
My other favorite is here.
Check it:

You just can't help but bob your head and feel happy!!
Thanks for introducing us Hali!

spills ≠ messes.

2010-12-30T11:30:00.000-08:00

Oh the spills that occur in a coffee shop!
I spill syrup, milk, espresso, & eggs, egks, ekxgs, ex, x.
Constantly.
Not to mention the spills customers make.. even more often than mine.

My kid nearly died in the hospital.
I know somebody's in charge of this place, I just don't think it's God.
Stood up again.
I won the battle with drugs.
... that's the year we got divorced.
Going through a divorce.
Divorce, divorce, divorce.

I know how to clean up the spills I make while on the job.
I hope that somebody handles the spills the customers make. Cause those run way deep.

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not all his benefits -- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. The Lord works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. Psalm 103:1-6

Praise the Lord who heals.
Glad I can trust Jesus to take care of these people. Maybe he will ask me to help.

making room for dessert.

2010-12-29T22:29:00.000-08:00

My heart is so full right now!

it is a good thing
happy. sad. smile.
concern. hope. trust.

I love that Jesus loves us and that no matter; he knows us and he pursues us.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34

“I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after your body has been killed, has authority to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.
Luke 12:4-7

my cat.

2010-12-25T18:59:00.001-08:00

So as you should know, I will be that crazy cat lady when I grow up. Shoot, I may already be that crazy cat lady.. oh well :)

Name: Penelope
Nicknames: Penny, Penne, Penalope, Pennyface, Love, and most often "Cat"
Age: 548 days
Ways in which she is like a dog:
1. She follows me everywhere.
2. She comes when called.
3. She loves her tummy rubbed.
4. She chews stuff; my socks & cardboard included.
Ways in which she is NOT like a dog:
1. She is awesome.

family.

2010-12-22T22:56:00.000-08:00

Probably not the application point he intended me to take away from this post; but I took it anyway!

I have friends all over the place -- Mexico, Medford, Waco, Seattle, Monterrey, Bakersfield, California Coast -- so wherever I go, I have family.

this is who i is.

2010-12-20T22:10:00.000-08:00

I follow a blog by a woman named Bianca.. she is spunky & in love with Jesus. A while back she wrote this and I wanted to write one too ... however it just wasn't working. Today I was encouraged to be who I is and came up with the following:

I thrive off awkward moments.
I am bad at goodbyes.
I cry a lot.
I enjoy people.
I am an introvert.
I often laugh, especially when i feel nervous.
And I understand the gift of a smile.
I do not love as much as I can, but I am learning to try a lot more.
My family loves me and this is a new found comfort.
I love God and the woman he is making me to be.
I have no idea how God can shape up this ridiculous mess of a person, but I know that He does. Daily.
Patience is rough.
Honesty is beautiful.

And I'll ask you the same question;
in a hundred words or so, who are you?

Galatians 5:22.23.

2010-12-13T21:00:00.000-08:00

"But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. There is no law against these things!" -- Galatians 5.22.23.

If we have the Holy Spirit in us; we have these things in us!! Don’t keep the fruit of Holy Spirit stifled! It is already there, let it be.

Day Two

2010-12-09T23:27:00.000-08:00

The orange peels were alright.. until the lost their pazaz, however, the squirt bottle seems to be doing the trick!! I foresee myself refilling the tree water often, considering Cat thinks it is also her's.

Is a cat bothered by water, if they are drinking water?!

Day One

2010-12-08T20:18:00.001-08:00

I have never before had a cat and a Christmas Tree at the same time.
I anticipate much entertainment :)

this is my life:

2010-10-26T22:11:00.003-07:00

Car, cards, stamps, coloring, boxes, books, moving, painting, family, friends, visiting, weddings, getting stuff to goodwill, returning borrowed items to their rightful owners, untangling lights from trees, sifting through what is mine vs. what is my roommates, getting the car to the shop.. life is busy!!

But life if fun, and God is good.. making everything worth while :)

The San Fran Adventure

2010-10-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

experienced by Bree & Carrie ; on October 3, 2010

So 2 weeks ago Carrie and I were having crappy weeks. Well we decided that we needed to ditch town for a weekend; get away from the normal. So we took off to San Francisco. My sister has a friend who currently resides in Berkeley and she let us stay at her place Saturday night. Sunday morning we woke up, and with minimal plans (coffee, eat fish & chips, walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, and scarf down a Ghirardelli’s Sundae… all in no particular order) and set off for San Francisco!

We had arrived early, the rain from the night before still soaking the ground, the sun out, and us…. driving :) We parked near fisherman’s Wharf and started walking towards the bridge (Mind you! We hadn’t realized that the bridge was about 4 miles from Fisherman’s wharf!!)

Anyways! We went for it without knowing. We stopped at a coffee shop and gathered our energies…. and three hours later we had made it to the Golden Gate Bridge!! We ascended the steps and began the walk across, stopping every so often to look out across the bay.

It was windy and sunny; my light sweater was just enough to keep the chill off, but not enough to keep me from wanting something thicker. But despite the cold, we kept on!

About a third of the way through Carrie grabs my arm and a look of worry overcomes her; “Bree. I think that man just tried to jump off the side.” I am thrown off by the statement and only slightly concerned; but by the time I look at the man in question, his suspicious behavior had ceased. Not really sure what she had see; we kept on our walk. However, neither of us could really feel at peace about the conversation that had just happened.

We stop again and this time I looked back, watching this man. I pay close attention to his body language the best I can; I’m about 40 yards away. I notice he seems very anxious. He's near a lamppost and in his arms he tightly clutching his jacket; winding it around and around in his arms he peers back and forth with darting glances, then stops abruptly. Foot taping with the speed of a freight train, he pulls what I imagine to be a wedding band off his left hand and thrusts it into his jacket bundle.

My stomach drops to my toes and sickness overcomes my entire body. With my heart racing I realize that what Carrie had assumed, was in fact truth. This man wanted to end his life by jumping off the bridge and we were going to witness the whole thing.

In a state of sheer panic, Carrie and I agree to act. We rush over to the man and without words we stand near him. Just stand. His actions are still very spastic and distracted. I assume he notices us because he takes off in a speed walk towards the other end of the bridge. We follow. He pauses again at another lamppost and it is then that I realize that we are the answer to our pleas to God for this man. We are the ones who are going to stop and talk with him.

We stop on the other side of the lamppost and I bombard him with a frantic rush of words:

“Hi!! Hi, how are you?!”

Fine..??!

“Oh! Good. So are you from around here!?”

Uh... yea.

(He is still very distracted and so I blabber on with the hope of keeping him in our presence. After asking questions about the weather and where he lives; then assuring him that we were not lost, nor did we need directions; I saw that he held the understanding that we knew something was up… he was listening, so I go for it.)

“So, um. I know this is gonna sound weird. But I just really felt that I should let you know that you are loved by God. I apologize if you.. if this feels awkward. I don’t normally talk to people like this. It’s just that… I mean… we were just walking on the bridge… and .. and we saw you… and I mean.. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?!! …….. (silence, blank stare; lasts about the longest one second of my life)… Okay, I’m sorry. Okay, we can go. I mean… I don’t wanna bother you, we were just walking an....”

(He interrupts me, and very calmly he asks us “if we were there because of why he thought we were there”).

Me, completely frazzled and confused, I declare that I have no idea what I am doing there and ask him what he assumes.

Well; do you think I’m going to jump?

(Silence. He continues on.)

Cause I was considering it. I mean, I can’t bring myself to do it.. but I was considering it.

He then proceeds to spill to us EVERYTHING. Fifteen minutes later he shakes his shoulders out, and unwraps his jacket bundle. Puts his ring back on. His belt back on. He puts his wallet back into his pocket. He puts his hat, glasses, and jacket back on and invites us to walk with him.

It turns out that he lives three blocks from where we parked (those four miles away!!) and he had also walked to the bridge that day. For 3 ½ hours, Carrie and I lived life with a man who had intended on being dead. We laughed; and we were serious, all the while bumping elbows as we walked the stretch of path along the San Francisco Bay. Carrie was able to relate to him in an incredible way! He kept asking question! My favorite being; “But you look like you are doing fine. You’ve been through all that and you look great. How?! How is that?”

We were invited to share God’s hope. We were able to listen; and to laugh.

We were able to allow God to be there to affirm a man who had not let a word about his sufferings land on the ears of anyone in 20+ years. He experienced freedom.

Aside from his story, his name is all I have of his.

I don’t know where he is now; but I do know that God loves him. God loves him enough to send us from Fresno to walk him home.

He knows that too.

I don’t know where he is going; but I do know that he is seeking to reconcile with a friend and maybe even check himself into a place to get help.

God loves him.

I love him.

Carrie loves him.

And I think he might even be starting to love himself.

God can use our uncertainties, our lack of eloquence, and our willingness, to do great things.

It still feels like this was just a really good movie I saw recently, rather than me witnessing God changing a life.

Windows Open!

2010-10-07T12:34:00.000-07:00

Now I'm not talking your typical ... windows open. I'm talking windows open, screens off!
Why haven't I thought of this before!!? There is something freeing about opening your window and having the branches flow right on in with the breeze. Now sure, the night brings with it creepy crawlies.. but I'm not worried about that right now, it's noon! I'm just excited that Penelope can be in 2 places at once. She sits on the ledge outside, then snuggles up right next to my leg. I think she likes the freedom as well!
Anyways, autumn is here. The rains have fallen. And I am excited for the change in season.
WELCOME! BIENVENUE!! VALKOMMEN!!!

Awk! Ward!!

2010-10-04T01:47:00.000-07:00

So basically if anybody were to ask me if I'd recommend listening to God when he talks, the answer would be yes.
Yes!!
I mean, he can definitely be a tricky voice to place. Often times you may think it's just your own thoughts, or paranoia, or perhaps it's just wishful thinking. But what if it's not those.. what if it really is the voice of God? What if he really is just telling you to compliment that random stranger, or even say a simple hello?
I'd say, "try it out."
It may be awkward.
Actually the chances of any encounter you have that is led by God will be extremely awkward! But, the odds are that if God really did talk to you, he'll keep leading... he'll keep leading you straight on through that awkwardness... and if it wasn't him; well then hey, we can all use a little more awkward in our life!
Plus... I'd be willing to guess he honors your faithfulness. Even if 'it' wasn't Spirit led, when you work according to God's goodness, I think he smiles at you.

It feels like Saturday!

2010-09-25T14:36:00.000-07:00

No alarm clock this morning.. God woke me up. And just in time for work.. I got there in a record 9 minutes, and was only 4 minutes late!! On the way I was given the gift of the sunrise in my rear view mirror. And peace set in.

For lunch: a visit with a friend, free food, & a lollipop while rocking in a chair.

The rest of the afternoon will consist of relaxation and creating.. I’m thinking an address book.

I feel that I have needed this Saturday for a while now. Praise God!

Six Days!

2010-09-13T00:32:00.000-07:00

Less than one week away & the excitement is building!
On one hand, I am hesitant cause the friendships I have with a few close friends will begin to look different.
Two of them to be married.
Another, moving north.
But on the other hand, I am thrilled out of my brain and so excited to see how God is going to keep leading their lives!
My head knows that friend is moving out to live with a boy.
And my head knows that friend who was once so close will no longer be right there to laugh with and play Chess with.
My head also knows that getting a hold of each other for last minute, late night, games of Disk Golf will happen less often.
But my heart is okay.
The way it was was awesome and the adventures were grand.
And
….
The memories are sweet but the future is bright; for all of us.
I am looking forward to that light!

Roommate Chronicals: Volume I, Issue I

2010-09-04T23:29:00.001-07:00

The other night, or morning rather, I was awakened by Cat knocking my pencil jar to the floor so that she could have room to sprawl out on my desk. For whatever reason, I felt compelled to clean up the displaced pencils at that moment.
I drag myself from my bed, gently scold Cat, and then I hear a exasperated voice, “I just want to sleep on a couch cushion. That’s all I want..!”
Smile
My roomie was sleep talking again.. and her bed is perty comfty. I don’t know why she wants a couch cushion instead??!

Fourteen Days

2010-09-04T14:33:00.000-07:00

Two weeks from now holds bitter sweet feelings for me.

On one hand, I am stoked cause the lives of a few close friends will be changed in amazing ways!!

Two of them to be married.

Another will be moving north to live life.

On the other hand, the selfish hand, change is hard.

My head knows that God is going to be with them and that the adventures he has ahead for each of them is going to be spectacular! But my heart is slow to catch on, & currently, I just feel that am going to miss the way it was, and the adventures we had.

The memories are sweet though.

I’m just bad at keeping up with friends.

I’m even worse at goodbyes.

….

Don’t mind me; it's just one of those sentimental moods.

Be Healthy

2010-09-03T10:01:00.001-07:00

The best thing a person can do for others is to first make sure that they themselves are wholly healthy.

People choose to be angry.

People are responsible for their own emotions.

In those moments it is my job, not to make them better, but instead illustrate how I trust God.

Yes, I may have to say no to others, I may have to draw the line and refuse to help someone. But taking care of people is not my job.

Loving God is my job, and if taking care of people is a byproduct of that love.

Then praise the Lord!

Until I can love God, I can’t love people.

But I know that that love for God will produce a health that is overflowing.

"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.”

Matthew 7:5

Beauty!

2010-08-10T11:44:00.000-07:00

I feel that we have been convinced into the belief that beauty can be categorized either one, of two ways; outer beauty or inner beauty.
In a person, outer beauty is determined by the way someone looks; flawless skin, dazzling eyes, etc.
And inner beauty is determined by a person’s character; someone who is kind, who is selfless, who saves puppies.
But I’m convinced that that’s not all there is to beauty.
See here; I would definitely say that a river has beauty. But why, I mean it’s murky, slimy, and when you are in it you try with all your might to just not touch the bottom. It can move dangerously fast in certain places, and annoyingly slow in others. So why do we claim it to be beautiful?
It doesn’t have outer beauty, and it doesn’t really have inner beauty; at least how they are commonly defined.
Well, beauty invites.
A river invites.
It allows fish to make their home in it, plants and other wildlife are fed through it, and people are invited to rest near it. The sound is soothing. The feeling is cool.
Yet all a river does is exist. It does what it is meant to do and because of this, it is beautiful.

We all have this picture in our minds of an old scraggly looking woman, yet somehow she is called beautiful. She is wrinkly, time has left her blind in one eye, and the whiskers on her chin poke you when she hugs you. But she hugged you.
She invited you into her home, she fed you. She counseled you and allowed your tears to flow onto her blouse. In her arms you found healing. In her laughter you experienced joy.
She lives, she exists in the best way she can, and she invites you to be yourself in her presence. Because of this she is beautiful. Beauty invites!

--------------------------------------------------------------

“A woman who is striving invites others to strive.
A woman who is hiding invites others to hide.
A woman who is at rest invites others to rest.
But a woman who is beautiful is inviting others to life.”
- Captivating by John & Staci Eldredge

Lights, Camera, Action .. . Well Sorta!

2010-07-12T01:50:00.000-07:00

I have movies that I want to see.
These are a few of them.
I don't want to forget that I want to see them.
So I made a list:

The Boys Are Back
The Book Of Eli
Count of Monte Cristo
Creation
Date Night
Dear John
Despicable Me
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part I
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part II
~~Inception~~
~~Letters To Juliet~~
Prince of Persia
~~Salt~~
Surrogates
Toy Story 3
The Twilight Saga: Eclipse

A Lesson Learned In Listening!

2010-07-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

Ok. So it was day 4 or so at OGN and we were given a mission. Find these nine envelopes, they are filled with money and hidden around the building. You have 10 minutes, ready go! So I get up and I’m looking around yet see nothing. Keep looking, looking; about five minutes into it I see that five envelopes have been found. I run into a friend and express how I am really bad at this game; he holds up an envelope and declares that he is actually quite good.

Ah dang!! All I want is to find a stinkin’ envelope! So I tell God; ya know what God. I’m really bad at this game, but I sure would like an envelope & if You could just show me where one is then that would be great. I close my eyes for a few seconds and all I see is a toilet seat.. Really, that’s just disgusting.

Discouraged I head back inside the auditorium. After everyone gets back they count up the envelopes. They are one short, they find out it is number nine and the game coordinators just start laughing. A guy in the crowd asks where it is and all that they answer with is, you are the wrong gender.

This guy books it to the bathroom and comes back with the last envelope.

I am shocked; and then I hear it. God is laughing. Bree, you asked me to show you & I did. Next time you ask, don’t go on thinking it’s just you cause here’s the thing … although you are good, your not THAT clever.

I love you you Love. Just listen to me when I answer you, because it is quite often.

Oheythanks!!

.smiley face.

Forgiveness

2010-06-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

Forgiveness stands between a person and their healing. But once you can forgive, you are inviting healing to step in and allow separation between you and the party that hurt you. You are not allowing them to continue the hold they once had over your emotions. You are freeing yourself from them and allowing healing, freedom, and independence from said party.

When you forgive it also allows the other person the opportunity to learn and move on. They may or may not change for the better; but you forgiving them is you giving them permission to become better. You are letting go, you are saying “I will not hold this against you. No, I won’t let you do it again, but I will not define you by it either. Go live.”

Agree? Disagree? Other?!

I liked it!

2010-04-12T17:45:00.000-07:00

I liked the part when Mary called Sarah & asked us to let her into the house cause she had locked herself out and she was wearing slippers.
Did I mention it was hailing?!

I liked the part where we decided to wait out the hail so we wouldn’t get too wet.

I liked the part where Sarah & I ran outside to the car and were soaked from head to toe anyways after being in the rain for just 4 seconds.

I liked the part when we received a phone call from Mary right after we got in the car, letting us know that another roommate had just arrived home and she had gotten in the house.

I especially liked the part when we laughed a lot about all this.

Thoughts, Part II

2010-04-06T16:04:00.000-07:00

A while back I had some thoughts related to this piece and I have some more; just as I promised I would!

Nelson Mandela
*************
Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won t feel insecure
around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Let’s open this one up again.

So Sister and I were watching some Parkour videos earlier today and were greatly intrigued. These people climb the sides of walls, they jump off roofs, they leap great distances. Quite often we find ourselves calling these people extraordinary.

I would love to be able to do what they do. But then I go to thinking about what that would take:

- I’d have to get into shape

- I’d have to eat better

- Basically I’d have to change a lot about the way that I live and become self- disciplined.

But I have a question: What if those people who do that Parkour stuff are living life the way God intended. What if they are using their bodies to the fullness of human potential?

What if God intended all of us to have the ability to jump out of trees, and soar from rooftops?

I’m starting to think he did.

Set that aside.

After mulling it over, I came to a few conclusions about who I see myself to be:

- I want to love the Lord with all I have; but often times I think too much and that keeps me from acting.

- I love people and care deeply for many; but I fear rejection and therefore I say nothing.

- I have incredible hand-eye coordination, I am a very quick learner, and I am a decent challenge when it comes to logic/strategy games; but I fear being a threat to others so I often hold back.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Yes. I am afraid that I will be ‘extra ordinary’. I fear that people will notice me. As much as I want to follow the Lord, I am afraid that if I do, I will reach my full potential.

However, I must admit that it’s not my full potential alone that scares me. What scares me is that if I reach that point where people are watching, or I am better at something; I won’t know how to react. I won’t know how to remain humble and loving.

It’s so much easier to hide in the shadows, than it is to step out and take a compliment, or encourage others as I ‘succeed’ where they ‘fail’.

You are a child of God.
Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won t feel insecure
around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.

God created each and every one of us. We were created to glorify him.

If he made us to jump off buildings and land without a scratch, we should trust that he is going to keep us safe.

If he made us to create music and share it with others, we should trust that he is going to turn the praise to himself and not let it remain on us.

And if he made us to have a full heart so that we may love others, we should trust that he is going to give us words of encouragement, as well as the means to handle every situation that comes our way.

We hear that everyone fails and that we should not let a fear of failure hold us back. I’m not afraid of failure, cause I know everyone fails.

But I am afraid of success.

However, I need to remember that everyone was made with a great purpose in mind. Not just me.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

It’s a matter of embracing our passions and desires, because as long as we are following the Lord, those passions are the desires of the heart of God.

They are good, and the Lord of all things will empower us as we let him.

2 Timothy 1:7 -- God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

Today

2010-04-01T00:51:00.001-07:00

Today was a beautiful day!

Community to the max!

Blessings in abundance!

Love!

I’m glad you were all a part of it!

1 Corinthians 13

2010-02-28T23:55:00.000-08:00

Love is a choice.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud. Love is not rude, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil. Love rejoices with the truth. Love always protects. Love always trusts. Love always hopes. Love always perseveres. Love never fails.

God is love.

If we choose God, it is then we can love.

It is then we are patient. It is then we are kind. It is then that we can celebrate the victories of others; then we are modest, then that we embrace humility. It is then, after we choose God that we desire what he desires; being respectful, showing selflessness, it is then that we experience true peace. Previous to choosing God, we may have had the opportunities to forgive, but without God it is all little more than a good idea. He is the bringer of all things good. After we turn towards our maker, and only then, are we fully capable of hating evil and embracing the great truth of the Lord. Because God is love. And love always protects, always trusts, and always gives hope. Love perseveres. God perseveres. God pursues.

God pursues and never fails.

Love never fails. God never fails.

no title

2010-01-15T12:34:00.000-08:00

as I sit here and I close my eyes.

I see it all so clear.

I see you and I can feel your smile, it’s for me.

all around us there is so much chaos

so much noise.

it’s dark.

but as I focus in on you

I can feel you

I am comforted

I settle in to you

and I can’t help but reciprocate that smile

I haven’t felt this joy in months

I open my eyes and am reminded of the pressing dark

I feel the chaos

but you are so bright that I am blinded by your hope

currently that’s all I can see

but still I hesitate

how long will this last?

with a deep sigh I realize something

it doesn’t matter

right now, I am here with you

and it’s here that I will rest

I will rest in you

you pursue me

Check & Check.

2009-12-11T21:05:00.000-08:00

- Wrote

- Snuggled with Stinky

- Enjoyed the rain

- Made brownies

- Jumped in the pool

- Ate brownies, drank milk

- Graced a thrift store with my presence

- Visited Sister’s Art Show

- Watched Oscar

- Downloaded Google Chrome

- Learned that it'll rain all weekend

- Realized it’s only Friday!

joy has been found

2009-12-10T22:27:00.000-08:00

I am tired. But none the less I've been blessed with eyes this week; eyes to see God & His goodness. Thanks Jesus!

I love how the Lord is enough; now lead me to parade about in that joy! The joy that is yours, the joy that you have showered upon us!

Here is a song we sang to Him this evening; I like it:

Your Presence is Our Joy

Compared to You Lord, we are but a breathe

Here we are in need of rest.

Draw near Lord, draw near

Draw near Lord, we invite you in.

Holy Spirit Come

Heal our guilty hearts

Lead us to the cross

Fill us with your love

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Holy Father we are full of sin

It steals our joy Lord, oh brokenness

Draw near Lord, draw near.

Draw near Lord, we invite you in.

Holy Spirit come

Heal our guilty hearts

Lead us to the cross

Fill us with your love

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Your presence is our joy!

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Being sick.

2009-11-23T12:22:00.001-08:00

I was gonna say "is no fun", but its actually been kinda entertaining!!

The other night I watched Knowing with Nicholas Cage. Well, he wasn't here, he was in the movie... anyways! It's about him knowing when the end of the world is & feeling like he needed to do something to save people.
Well, I watched it right before bed & the whole night I kept waking up feeling like I needed to save people; only I couldn't cause I was sick. In the morning I was glad to realize that a crazy movie + me being sick = crazy dream, & not a reality of me needing to save the world single-handedly. That's a lot of pressure you know!

Boggle

2009-10-31T02:55:00.000-07:00

So the last few months, God has been changing a lot of things in my life. It has been difficult, & definitely uncomfortable; yet through it all, good. But now I feel I have kinda gotten to the point, that if this life were a game of boggle, we are in the last of the settling phase; trying to get that one last letter to just straighten up a bit. By no means is that to say that what lies ahead is easy (for all i know this board may be filled with Qs, Ws, Zs . . . . all next to each other with no vowels to be found!), but I am ready to see what it holds.
Life is new, life is challenging, & it is most certainly beautiful!
Let's go!!

The Art of Asking

2009-10-26T11:34:00.001-07:00

The art of asking is something that is something that I have been working to grow as of late.

a. The art of asking – delegation: Being “in charge” of this after school program, & co-interning at the Rock has placed responsibilities on me that were not previously there. But I have realized that if I were to do all that I am responsible for, single handedly.. I would probably die. However, each program is set up in a way where there are teams of people. There are others who are eager to be a part of this thing, who are yearning to love in the ways that I myself have been called as well. This is brilliant! This is the body of Christ!
- And a note to all those people; thank you so much! Thank you for your energy, your desire, & your love for serving. It is beautiful & I am so glad to be a part of these programs with you.

b. The art of asking – needing resources: The after school program is run through a non-profit organization. This means that as much as we can, we have to get help.. free help. So this past weekend I went around town and asked a few companies for some donations. It was beautiful! I simply asked, stating my need & watched as each place in turn opened up their registers & gave:
- Foods Co gave me a $25 gift card
- I got 25, $5 pumpkins for 15 bucks total
- A dry cleaner donated 22 hangers
- & soon I’m off to talk to a manager about donating snacks for the year

craters.

2009-10-25T23:13:00.000-07:00

As we try to fill our "God shaped Holes" with people, we find ourselves frustrated and empty.
But when we turn to God, we find our hearts open to people and discover our need for them more than ever before.

We need each other; we need people; we need community; we need relationship; we need God.
These are all interconnected, and they flow in all directions.

And I'm thinking that a certain part of life involves figuring out what goes where.
Once we know how to fill the God Holes, with stuff that God should fill . . . the other voids will be filled .
A visual just came to mind:
So there is this giant crater (God shaped hole)
But within this giant crater are tiny little craters (normal life worries: job, school, relationships).
Often we are distracted by the tiny little craters. We focus on getting them filled.
Then after they are filled we look at the giant crater and work on filling it. All the while, little bundles of tiny craters keep popping up to distract.
But what if we just fill the giant crater (Fill that hole with the Lord). There is a chain reaction that happens, we no longer have to individually care for the tiny holes.
I mean, yes.. the tiny holes will still be created. But because the giant hole is filled, it will step in and fill the random little holes. All the while we just have to remain focused on keeping the giant hole filled.

Thoughts?!

Sorry, you're just not good enough.

2009-10-19T13:24:00.000-07:00

I'm dealing with feelings of inadequacy; & currently I feel that God has given me a bigger task & is now trusting me to make it happen. But I can't, I don't know what I'm doing, what if I mess up!

“Hey Bree, don’t worry; you’re too tiny to get in the way of where the Holy Spirit is moving”.

So we are invited to follow the Lord. And even as our tasks get bigger & our responsibilities increase, we are still just following Him.

We were talking last night about delegation & Josh said “never ask anyone to do what you yourself would not.” With this, I’m not saying that God has asked me to do something he wouldn’t. But the fact that this after school program is one of the biggest things God has asked me to do thus far; it’s tempting to think that he’s letting me do it alone. That he trusts me enough to get it done alone. But that’s not right at all. God wouldn’t ask me to do something that he himself would not. Now, although he may see that I am capable; what he sees is not my ability to accomplish such a feat alone. Yes, he sees that I am ready to leave the bunny hill I’ve been at & go with him down the real mountain; but the point is that it’s not just me. At no point has he left me, nor will he leave me.

I will never be good enough to do this alone.

I will never be good enough to do anything alone,

& this fact is so encouraging!

I may get better at following; but I’ll never have enough “get better” moments where I can lead without following Him first. And I don’t even need to be good enough to do anything without the Lord!

So I shall stop worrying & keep following.

Following is what got me here in the first place, & following is what’s gonna keep me going!

Dear Satan,

I will not listen to your lies about how I am inadequate & that I am alone in all this. You have no authority & your words are just so silly. You see, Christ has died for me. His blood was shed for me, & in His Holy Name I am perfectly adequate. He lives in me & with that:

I will not be tempted by worry – 1 Peter 5:7

I will not sit in fear – 1 John 4:18

Dear Father,

I apologize that I am so easily enticed by the lies of the Evil One. However, I aim to more intentionally see you. I don’t want to take you for advantage; so I would like to actively seek to see how you are good. I would like to be familiar with the power you have instilled in me; through the Spirit you have given to live in me, & for me to live by:

I follow you – Mark 1:17.18

I rest in you – Matthew 11:28

I am not alone – Deuteronomy 31:6

You are my joy – Nehemiah 8:10

In you I have peace – Romans 5:1.2

You are my confidence – Hebrews 10:19.20.21.22.35

Through You I can love – 1 John 4:19

I may not be good enough to lead alone; but I am not inadequate where I lead because I’m indeed, not alone.

Let Love Flow

2009-10-14T00:08:00.001-07:00

So when loving gets too hard, simply let Love love.

The idea that we try really hard to love [others, ourselves, God].
But the harder we try to love, the more difficult it becomes.
I think this is because we are focused too much on the outward motion of love.
But we have to be aware that if we are not first receiving the love God has for us, then we have nothing to give.

We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

When things get hard, people seem unlovable, and it feels that everything you put your mind to is a failure; take a step back and sit in the love God has for you.
It is here, & only here; with his love pouring through your soul, that you can rest.
You can feel love.
You can feel Love.
Then loving will come. Love for God, self, and others.

ramble ramble

2009-10-12T23:31:00.001-07:00

Everyone has left.

Peace be with them.

I am story writing.

The dryer was the only noise

[aside from the taping of my fingers on the keys].

Not even that remains.

The silence is loud.

Funny how that is,

loud silence.

I mean, I guess it could make sense

but really, I think it’s mainly to do

with the fact that we are constantly

surrounded with things. With noise.

So to have NOthing

is just too much,

of too little.

I had workouts today.

We exercised love.

We are aren’t quite there yet,

but hey, practice makes.. better!

Repetition is a key.

.

2009-09-02T20:13:00.001-07:00

the "up" soundtrack is so lively!
brian has loaned us his ping pong table,
thanks friend.
we have a comfty couch & a comfy chair,
thanks strong friends aaron & ben.
i am so sore from working out,
but i feel a bit more strong.
my dad & i have been talking,
it has been really peaceful.
lord you are good.
you hold us up,
you comfort us.
you rejoice with us,
you are our reason for rejoicing.
i love you,
and i will continue to let you love me.

----------

we watched blues clues today & it was such great fun!! promise noted that steve (i dunno if that is his real name, but either way!) started the show as a joke & carried it into reality
-- that really is how great ideas begin --
so yes! it was just fun to watch this guy (who was our age when he was on the show) just moving about on the screen having a gay ol' time!! i would love to be his friend! then i realized that any of our friends would probably do something like this if they were given the opportunity!!!
:)

on the bright side!

2009-08-24T23:41:00.001-07:00

the bright side is all that matters :)

sometimes.

2009-08-23T01:51:00.000-07:00

sometimes it doesn't matter how much exciting & good things are happening in my life.
if there is "just that one part" that isn't right, i feel like crap.
i know that it is not the good that i do that defines me.
but the bad stuff, no matter if its just one instance, seems to take over whenever it is present.
even if there is tons more good.
that sucks.
i feel like crap.
but in the back of my mind, i know that this will work out.
yea its hard, yea its probably gonna rip me apart.
no matter how out of control it seems, god is gonna pull through.
this is gonna hurt, but that is life i suppose.

on the bright side:
- god is big
- god is compassionate
- god teaches & stretches & grows us
- he leads & he loves

Thoughts, Part I

2009-07-26T01:53:00.000-07:00

Inspired to write after talking this out a bit with Terri.
There is a lot here.
It is semi-incomplete thinking.
But I hope that what is here makes sense!
If it doesn’t then just stop reading and ask me in person (it is quite late)..
:)

Nelson Mandela
*************
Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won t feel insecure
around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

The direction we were going was along these lines:
- If “inadequacy” is not what I fear, & being “powerful beyond measure” is; then what is “powerful beyond measure”?
- Assuming “inadequacy” comes from Satan, could I safely say that “powerful beyond measure” comes from the LORD?
- And assuming that “our light” is God & everything good, why do I fear that more than I fear “our darkness”; which I take to mean Satan & all that is not of God?

Why does our light frighten us the most & not our darkness? That doesn’t really make much sense. Shouldn’t the things inside us that are FAR from the character of God, scare us the most?!
As Christians we are constantly striving to be better, to be “more like Jesus”. In those actions we seem to be afraid of the darkness in us.
But here, Nelson claims that we are not afraid of that darkness.. he says that we are afraid of our light. We are frightened by our light.
If we are frightened by our light, why do we strive so much to be like Him (our Light?!)? … sit on that for a second.

- Why does our light frighten us the most & not our darkness?
- Why does Nelson say that my deepest fear is not inadequacy, but is in fact that I am powerful beyond measure?
- What does it mean to be “powerful beyond measure”?
- In what situations have I “shrank so that other people wouldn’t feel insecure around me”?
- If we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, why does God’s power scare us?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
….
Fear comes from Satan. It is not of the Lord. Yet still it has such a huge rule in our lives. In mine I have recognized a fear of inadequacy (which is the main reason this passage caught my attention!).
Inadequacy is something that I have experience with.
I feel inadequate in the ways that I relate with other people (will they like me, am I enough for them, am I needed by them; even more, am I wanted by them?) these are the questions that I ask myself in the midst of feeling inadequate.
Then I come across this passage & I am told that I do not fear that I am inadequate!? What?! Yes I do! I feel very inadequate & that scares me!
Oiy!... Well alright Nelson, what are you saying here???

[so I play into the game, even if for a second...]
So now [accepting that] I [do] fear that I am powerful beyond measure [and do not fear that I am inadequate]; I am just a tad confused…
Ok?! Well, power seems to be quite the opposite of inadequacy.
I immediately assume that someone who is powerful beyond measure would be confident!
But wait.. then I thought some more..
Powerful beyond measure.
Ok.. As humans we have a scale of power.
- We see people who own their own house – power
- We see people who own their own restaurant – more power
- Then there are the people who own their own company.. huge companies (Bill Gates status) – very powerful
The thing though is this. Each of these “stages of power” can be measured.. Bill gates, compared to the house owner is VERY POWERFUL!! But the statement “powerful beyond measure”. That doesn’t fit into this little scale that we as humans are familiar with. Powerful BEYOND measure”.
- What does that look like?
- Where on that scale is “beyond measure”??!
As I sit on the thought that “powerful beyond measure” is beyond my realm of thought… things start to fall into place for me.
I see that things outside of our scales, or realms of familiarity are in fact scary.
Measure is comfortable. It is something we know.
Beyond measure is uncomfortable. It is unfamiliar.
Inadequacy can be measured. There is a line that says whether something is good enough or not.
….
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
….
Nelson declares that this inadequacy; which we have experienced, which we can measure; is not what we fear.
We instead fear this power; it is new & beyond any power we have ever been able to measure. This power that most of us have never experienced.

This Power; that we were born with, is what we fear.
Despite the fact that it is good, we don’t know how it works; It is unfamiliar & scary.
Sitting in the fear of inadequacy is familiar, we know how to work through it, we know how to deal with it.
It is much more comfortable to sit in this familiarity of fear than it is stretch and experience this immeasurable power that the Lord has for us. That we were born to share with the world!!

Inadequacy is comfortable. It is something we know.
Beyond measure is uncomfortable. It is unfamiliar.
We don’t normally fear the familiar,
It is the unfamiliar that gets us shakin’ in our boots!

It is starting to make a bit more sense now.
Inadequacy is a lie. Once I see this I can call Satan out & surrender to God. I am still not comfortable with the unfamiliar, of the new; of this Power of God. But I no longer fear that I am inadequate. Because although I, Bree, AM inadequate. I have the Lord of the universe alive in me. Therefore, I am not inadequate. I am just not sure how to use this power that is beyond my realm of understanding.

”I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” (john 14:12)

“Let’s abandon fear & step up to that call
Move on to something better
Live on for something better”
- dominic balli

Ok, I’m done for now… but there is so much more thought that I have for this…
:)

I'm pondering this:

2009-05-11T07:40:00.000-07:00

The following was said of a professor: "This guy is great! He loves what he does, and he loves his students.. he is honest too! But more than that; he understands the great responsibility that comes with being honest."

understand the great responsibility that comes with being honest

peace::.

2009-05-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

mission accomplished. im feeling pretty good about this.!

the chipotle i had for lunch came with a side of beautiful company & wonderful talkage.

fact. i may or may not have just figured out why our pool is green.
oh! and fixed the possible issue :)

the smell of rain is oober calming... mmm..

i am off to sac town again.
its is our last tourney of the season.
for this i am thankful! i will not be coaching for clovis again. don't get me wrong! it was a good run, i learned a lot.. ... a lot about coaching, what to do; what not to do. i also did a lot of stepping out of comfort zones, which was fun!
i HAVE enjoyed it. and the girls are wonderful, but i am not feeling the need to remain there.
i have accomplished what was necessary!?
huh.. ill think this through laterishly soon!

anyways.. :) i want to leave you all with this!
enjoy today, its not often we get a warm &gentle rain.

although is it true??: that there was a thunder storm!
i wish i hadn't of missed it!

must pack! must pack! and clean some!!

2009-02-27T10:32:00.000-08:00

so i am stoked outta my mind! me and halfie are off to santa barbara today! road trip!! im thinking we should stop at Dewars in bakersfield (i believe it is right off the freeway) and get some of those peanut butter candies for the weekend!!
but yes! i need to pack and clean my room a bit. Ii hate coming home after being gone, and your room is all messy. its not very inspiring. then you never end up emptying the suitcase and you live out of it till your next trip (a least thats what i have done since the volleyball tourney in sac town . . .. ) yeaa.
but anyways!! i am excited! i shall see you soon alana, and halfie i will see you even sooner! i actually believe i will see both of you before you see this note!!
oh! and ataloa! i love you a lot and want to have coffee (or tea!) soon. see how you are doing and such!!
god is good.
he has sent beautiful weather for a road trip.
im thinking windows down all the way (full enjoyment factor) . . . . . maybe a ponytail is in order
:)

&beauty

2009-02-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

so today i was driving a lot . . . . but it was wonderful!!
the first little moment that i appreciated was while driving past a junior high school. it was probably the last period of the day, the janitors were getting things out of their closet to get ready to clean up the halls for the day. well one of them was playing on the monkey bars. it made me happy to see such abandon! such carefree living in an adult women! i feel that i dont see that as often as i would like. thanks for her joy :)
then i was driving some more, on my way home to see the fam for the evening. as i was heading over the pass above the railroad tracks on herndon; i caught a glimpse of the mountains in my rear view mirror. i was in awe. i made a u-turn to go and see it again. (fortunately i was able to drive slowly cause nobody was behind me.) i have never seen the mountains so beautiful! seriously! i could see them as far as they went, north to south. with the windows down the air was so crisp. it was truly magnificent.
its days like today that i love. i feel that so often our society, our culture, doesn't allow us to experience life the way God intended. not always but often. adults have to be mature. or at least act like they are mature...
but then the rain falls.
it washes the air clean
and we can breathe again.
we abandon fear,
the cares of how we are "supposed" to act
we just simply live
and enjoy this beautiful view
this view that was made for us
the people of fresno.

thanks jesus!!
:)

now i shall go enjoy my mom and my sister. they will be arriving home soon.

good luck??!

2008-12-11T01:08:00.000-08:00

ok, so i have thought about this on and off, never for too long. i have also come up with some answers, but i have forgotten them at the moment and have decided to ask for suggestions (in the hope that it will help me to remember)!!
so here is the thing: i often find myself in a situation where i want to tell the other person good luck (like say mary jean has an exam today and its gonna be tough. "good luck on your exam mary jean!" would be my usual cry. but it is mainly due to lack of something else to say.
so basically my question is this. what else is there besides "good luck" . . . .

in the spirit of thanks-es

2008-12-03T23:53:00.000-08:00

so im no good with my words right now. but i feel compelled to write. thanking you.
friends, thank you. thank you for you. thanks for just being. thanks for loving me and letting me love you. thanks for well wishes on my birthday. thanks for planning. thank you for stuffing yourself into a crowded hallway, for way too long, waiting to surprise me. thank you for listening to me while i ramble on. thanks for sitting in silence with me while we pondered this'n'that. thanks for the talks. i love the laughs and i love the adventures. so yes, this doesnt even cover it all. but i believe it will suffice for now.

My Prayer

2008-11-25T15:38:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
Everyday is a battle. I realize that now, this morning.
Father, I pray now for strength in You. Knowing that the enemy may well attack, but God, I choose to let you lead me into battle. I will prayerfully enter today, constantly recognizing that although I am terribly weak, You are strong. I trust You.
Father, I pray now for encouragement from (and in) You. Knowing that the enemy is wise in his ways of deciet. But God, You are so much bigger than he. I look to You for my worth, and I accept Your love for me. I trust You.
God. I also ask for purpose. Today, reveal to me what it is you would have me do. I want to act, in love, for You. My purpose here on earth is to glorify You and grow Your Kingdom. Lead me into that. I trust You.
God, I trust the ways you want to use me and I trust I am not alone. I pray against feelings of inadequacy, any failure in temptations, and a contentment in mediocracy. I ask that You to teach me to rest in You. Instill in me a confidence of who I am in You. Lead me to You in all things that together we will conquer the flesh. And build in me the desire to fully embrace Your vision as well as Your drive to accomplish it. I pray for peace, but I pray for me to be used in this battle as well.
Sensitize my sense to You, that I hear and respond to Your calls. Grow me today, do not let me be unchanged in You.
Today I live for You Father. I ask all this is the mighty name of Your Son Jesus Christ!
Thank You,
Breana there's Hope

im realizing

2008-11-24T23:49:00.001-08:00

things arent as complicated as i make them to be.
i am truly loved by god.
i will fail in life, not at life.
as chaotic as life seems, god is in control. really.
i can join in what god is already doing.
god has a plan.
i love god.

oh to trust

anxious

2008-11-24T17:41:00.001-08:00

so, im not often anxious. but this past week or so, i think this has actually been the case. not really sure what is going on. ive got the feeling of change that is so good. this knowledge that god is moving and he is inviting me to join. but then, there is this tiny desire to latch on to what is familiar. this long forgotten desire to be lazy, to be passive, to just let life happen without me.

here is one thing, god doesnt need me. god doesnt have to use me. i dont need to be the one to pray for students. he doesnt need me to talk to my dad and be a friend. anybody else can clothe the naked and feed the hungry. house the traveler and love.

but here is the thing. despite the fact that i am not needed, and i am not the only one. despite the fact that there are billions of other people in this world and about half of them could probably do my life much better than me. god has chosen me. he has decided to trust me, little me, with this life.

im not needed, but i am wanted. god wants me to live. he wants me to pray. he desires that i be a friend to my dad. anybody else can do all that, but i am asked, invited into his work. to clothe the naked and feed the hungry. he has offered to me the opportunity to house the traveler and to love. he has given me passions for these.

so because i have been invited to such a spectacular life, i want to accept. i will accept. i have accepted. i praise god for his interest in me. for his interest in all that is happening in this life. i will not give in to those long forgotten desires. not only are they forgotten, but they are overcome. they have been banished in the name of christ. instead i will live. i will live in the truth that i can persevere and love. that i can take joy in my creator.

i know what i want to be a part of. i am learning how to do this. i am learning how to get connected and how to be active. i dont just want to have a good idea of what i want for my life. but currently that is all that it feels like. an idea. and that is probably all that it is. i realize that the more i pray, the more that idea i have grows. the more confidence i have in my abilities. the more i trust that god is leading.

and duh! of course that is true! i mean, prayer; its how i communicate with my creator, my lead, my god. really now!? i must quit realizing (ok, well actually i musnt quit. but ive gotta quit stopping after the realizations) and ive gotta keep going, start acting. ive gotta hear the game plan. then ive gotta go. trust god.

remember, he doesnt need us, yet he has chosen to use us. that means hes got things figured out. its all a matter of who is ready to move. am i ready to move? am i ready to go beyond realizing what needs to be done and continue into doing? into living.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ok, so im not anxious. just knowing that god is moving. knowing that god is growing us as a community. its exciting, but it is also the realization that things will change. not god, but us. and the thing is, 2 weeks ago, i was comfortable. and recognizing that god wants to change me, well that made me uncomfortable. but i will trust, cause i know that even though i feel "this/now" is good, whatever god has planned for us is so much better.

so friends. join me in prayer. for life. for the ways that god has invited us to action in this city. on our campuses. each person has an invitation. our path may be a little different than our neighbors, and our tasks a bit different too. but we are all working to strengthen the same kingdom. we need encouragement. i need encouragement.

lets not just sit here and let life happen. lets join hands, and with our father, lets answer the call. together.

lets pray.
lets act.
cause when all is said and done, ideas were never really that good if thats all they remained.

The Surfboard Story

2008-09-23T01:47:00.000-07:00

Ok well, last weekend Daniel and I decided that we wanted to go to Santa Barbara; surfing and visiting Alana; what could be better?! So we make plans. Daniel brings over 2 surf boards Thursday night and plans on bringing his board over in the morning before class.

So on Friday early in the morning I leave and meet with Ataloa for coffee (which neither of us drank (yay for tea!!) anyways..). Meanwhile Daniel is getting his stuff packed and bringing his board over.

Problem: he didn’t strap the board down. Ah dang!! He didn’t hear it fly off or see anything and realizes it only when he gets to my house.

Frustrated he retraces his steps, looking in the gutters, on sidewalks, and throughout his apartment complex. Nothing. People haven’t seen anything and there seems to be no hope.

He finally gets a hold of me and expresses disappointment, telling me what had happened.

I respond with an “okay”. Knowing that I have no words of sympathy. In knowing we are powerless in our current circumstance, we hand it over to God in prayer.

We end the call and I start heading back to town (it is about 11 o’clock now and I have finished chatting it up with Ataloa) I get it in me to look for the board. Mind you, I only have a slight idea of where Daniel lives, near Blackbeards. So I head over, retracing the path I could only assume Daniel might have taken. I see nothing.

Well, basically I wanna give up (I still haven’t packed and we are still planning to leave in like 40 minutes). However, I instead tell God that if he wants us to find this surf board, then he should do it now. I look a few more minutes then head back home. Coming to an intersection I realize that I can still make a u-turn. I do it, ending up in an apartment complex. I have no idea if this is where Daniel lives and I don’t know what I am doing. I drive around and get the feeling that I am supposed to make a right turn. I ignore that and continue on, straight ahead. Coming to the end of the road I turn around. I am still aware that I never made that right turn. So I go back, I turn in and see two homeless people near a dumpster on my left. I role down my window and this is the conversation that follows:

Me: Hi, so I have a really random question. Have you seen a surf board around here?
Nathan: Uhh… a surfboard?! Like for the ocean?! A surfboard ….. in Fresno?!
Me: Ya, I know! (I then proceed to explain Daniel’s story and why I even have this question).
Nathan: (More sensitive to the subject now) Well okay, I dunno; but what if I were to find this surf board, how would I get a hold of you?!
Me: Here is my number… thank you so much! …. Oh! Hey, is there anything I could do to help you?!
Nathan: Well do you have a million dollars?! (in jest).
Me: Ha! No, but I do have $5!
Nathan: Wow! Ya I’ll take it, I’ll take any help I can get!
Me: Well here you go, thank you a lot!!

Well at this point I need to head home to start packing. Daniel is gonna get outta class at any minute and I’m no where near ready. I get home and tell Promise that bad news. We discuss it a few minutes and come to the conclusion that even if we were to find his board, it is probably shattered. I mean how can a surfboard fall off a car onto the road and not break into a million pieces!?

So I get back to packing and I’m about half done when my phone starts to ring. It is a number I don’t know. I answer it:

Nathan: So you are not gonna believe this, but I just found your friend’s surfboard!!
Me: What!? Now way! Praise God!! (and much other exciting phrases) Ok, well where are you?
Nathan: Ashlan & Peach. We are by the Chevron! I can’t believe this, can you come now?
Me: Yea, well, we can be there within a half hour!!
Nathan: Ok, see you soon!! Wow!

When I get off the phone I am basically stoked out of my mind. I try to tell Promise what had just happened, but no words would come! Eventually I gathered my emotions enough to tell her the excitement.

Immediately following the story’s end Daniel arrives home. I am super stoked and getting a look of confusion from him (he still has no idea). After babbling I motion for him to come inside and relay the amazing find to him. He is basically shocked into silence (which was actually quite amusing for me!)

Well, all three of us abandon whatever we were doing and head over to Chevron as fast as we could. It seemed like the drive took forever, but we continued to express our excitement and the obviousness that God had planned it all out.

When we drive into the parking lot we are greeted by Nathan flagging us down with his arms and we hustle through the introductions. We just wanted to hear Nathan’s side of the story!!

” So after meeting you, we finished up collecting stuff at the apartment complex, and began heading home. Suddenly we realized that we didn’t have to haul all our stuff to the Savemart, but instead could just take it to the Winco right here. So we turn around and on the way over I look over and see something in the bushes. Behind the bus stop bench I look closely and see a surfboard!! In shock we got a hold of you and look!! It’s not even broken. Just this here at the tail, but its totally fine!”

After expressing our amazement (again!) we learned that they (the woman’s name is Velvet) live right next to our church. We chatted a little. Found out they are living near our church! Daniel was able to give contact information to Nathan, so that was good!!

But really that was just amazing! How can God orchestrate such an awesome experience!?

joyfilled!

2008-09-14T03:09:00.000-07:00

so basically i just wanna praise god right now for the blessings he has poured out. exhibit a would be all of you, this amazing community of his people he has decided to build up right now, right here. so needed, so thankful!

yes! but right now, i am gonna go to sleep, but first i just wanna say that today was wonderful. i enjoyed every bit of it, and i am so glad that each of you were a part of it!

squished car rides. kilts. music. dance. food. sitting and relaxing. parks. amazing weather. dining table filled with those i love. spagetti. 7 cars in our driveway. singing. short road trips. unexpectedness. bands. fireworks. music and dance. road trips back home. adventures. super-cool taco bell hand dryers that save the planet. 11 cars on our property. friends. football. bikes. longboards. new friends.

joy. laughter. praise.

thank you lord for letting us experience all this in just one day! i am so excited for everything you have for me.... lets go =)

and happy birthday eric!!

thinking out loud

2008-08-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

so, i havent really just poured my thoughts out in typing before, but there can be a first time for everything. this is just me thinking out loud so to speak, so it makes sense to me (but that doesnt mean much)... anywho, lets go with this and see where it ends up . . . . im a sinner. but i have freedom cause God is overflowing with grace and decided that he wants to love me. i am so thankful for that. i know that i will always have crap in my life. just cause God is in me doesnt mean that my life gets easier, it just mean that i have success on my side, he is fighting for me, with me. yes, fighting cause there will always be a battle. the great part about it is, i know that he is going to win. often i get distracted. i take a detour from god, yet He seeks me out, reminding me of who He sees me as. who i am. i am running back to Him. but thats also why God provides community. we are not meant to do this thing alone, we are in it for the long haul, the whole body, all together. we are to be "joined and held together by every supporting member,in Christ, so that we can grow and build each other up in love, as each of us does our part". we will fail alone. we will fail without support. we will fail without God. sometimes it seems super confuseing, like what am i supposed to do, why cant God be more clear. im not sure if i have answers, but i know that ido have the word of God. He loves us a whole lot and wants us to live for Him, im learning how to do that, i will always be learning. i know that i am supposed to love and i know that i am supposed to be copying God. weird, yet it makes it seem a little easier i guess, knowing that he doesnt expect me to have a clue on how to be perfect. He knows that alone, i am no good. i screw up and am quick to follow what seems to be right, but often is not. in my imperfections he still reminds me that He loves me, therefore He has told me through His word, to just immitate him. He is the perfect one, I strive to be like Him, i am not Him. But i can copy him in his perfection, well at least i can try. so why not do just that. since his love is so big i cant contain it in myself alone. this in turn allows me to be filled completely, then overflow that love to other people. i will never empty of his love, only continuing to get more, so long as i overflow it to others. which is perty easy if i continue to seek his face. and as i seek him i will find him cause i will do it whole-heartedly. my desire is to be like christ. i want him and i want him in me all the time and i dont need anything else. he totally provides. always. i know that as i seek him i will grow. i will grow closer to him, i will know his will and be able to see the lies that are of satan. i will be able to decipher what is what, and know how to react. i will never be perfect. i wont be 100%, at least not here, not as long as i have this skin. but i will get 'better'. my struggles will become easier to rebuke, the untruths more quickly recognized. i am excited for that.for the journey, the growth. it is happeneing.God i just thank you. thank you for everything. i am totally undeserving, but i choose to accept the grace that you offer me. you will continue to offer it and i am so glad cause i need it. i need you.and by the way, why is it so easy to know what to do, but so hard to do it. i suppose its all a part of this whole i am human thing, ah dang!ephesians 4:15jeremiah 29:13james 5:162 timothy 1:7tony p asked the other nite "what if we acted in every good and pure thought that we had" ... .... think about it

my sweet work rap

2008-02-25T15:17:00.000-08:00

collins in the kitchen
hannahs gone a fishin’
ok not really
im just bein’ silly
i wanna be cool
dont wanna be a fool
but im sure i aint rappin
jus sittin here clappin
im at work
my boss is too
the truth is i just wanna have something in my blog
so go sit on a log
or go for a jog
just dont kiss a frog
alright, im out
peace