It was go!

This is my team!!  Sarah, Tom, & Izzy.  Two of us are from California and two of us are from Ohio.  We have been here in Milwaukee, WI for 8 weeks now.  It's been great!!  I love that God, the God who called me to this ministry 7 months ago is the same God who spoke to the heart of each person on my team; each person said yes to that call.
We are currently leading youth on week long missions trips with YouthWorks! 
It has been a challenge for sure, but more fun than anything!!  It's so beautiful to see the way God has called so many to him, and to see so many say yes.  I have worked alongside people who are unsure of what is to come, I have worked alongside people who are confident of what is next; and despite the difference in realities I am able to acknowledge that God is good and that as long as I seek God with everything in me, I will find Him.  Here's to what's next!!
Cheers,
Bree
PS. Go.

Stay or Go.

This was the word for Wednesday’s devotional.  And this is was the devotional I replayed on Thursday, and again on Friday.  Each time he tells me the opposite of the most important word in the Bible, tears well up in my eyes and I am overwhelmed. 

I am not sad, I am not upset; simply overwhelmed.

It’s a good word, a short word.

A two letter word.

And maybe even the most important word in the Bible, at least the top 5.

This word presses all Christians forward.

Abraham heard this word and packed up his family and moved.

David heard this word and went into Jerusalem dancing.

The disciples heard this word and followed Jesus.

Every person who really takes the Bible seriously heard this word.

I’m not gonna tell you what the word it, but I will tell you the opposite of this word.

The opposite of this word is stay.

We want to stay, we want to stay put.

Stay healthy, stay rich, stay with family.

But for those of us who hear the word.

They must. 

Go.

-Curt Harlow

I have lived in Fresno my entire life, and I have a bit of time left here. 

For a while this bothered me, it bothered me that my friends could move and I stayed. 

It bothered me that school was a drag yet I stayed. 

So I seek God.

On Thursday I got an email for an organization called YouthWorks and they are looking to hire summer staff.  I looked them up, I was interested.  To join that team would be to go.

I want to go. 

I acknowledge the unknown.  I acknowledge the vulnerability.

I acknowledge that it would be fun.  I acknowledge that I am nervous.

I acknowledge that I want this.  I acknowledge that I may be rejected.

But my desire to be with God is bigger than my desire to stay comfortable and I am eager to see what that does to my idea of home.

The (dis)Comfort of Trust

God rarely makes sense in the ways that chooses to do things. As he's up there brainstorming ideas and whatnot, somebody's looking over his shoulder at his notes and simply saying
"really.. That's the way you're choosing to do this, THIS is the solution you're sticking with then!? Nobody is gonna believe you!! Do something more traditional" and with a look of doubt & a scoff, they turn away.

Story of my life!!!! If God doesn't give me a kajillion dollars when I realize the budget is tight, I tend to worry. I begin to doubt the decisions I've made to get me here. I begin believing that my decisions and ability to screw it up is bigger than Gods desire to provide for me.
This morning though, I choose to trust that he has me. I trust that he wants to take care of me. I trust that he wants to provide.
By no means is it easy, by no means does it make much sense... But I have resolved that God won't use a stressed Bree... Therefore a trusting Bree will just have to do.
Here goes nothing, or perhaps.. It's everything!!

Psalm 3:5 -- trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
1 Timothy 6:17
Luke 12:22+

Words.

I absolutely love words!

I love that with the right combination of them, you can say anything you want.

You can express your intangible emotions with words.  You can make up an alternate reality or another world with words.  You can build someone up, and tear someone else down; with words.  You can speak life into people with words. Fact, words are incredibly powerful!

And ironically enough, this video speaks very few.

Poles polls pulls pools

His shoes won't stay on his feet. She ran out of gas. She wants to play a game with you. He wants to tell you his life story. She tries to shock you with the truth. She is overwhelmed. He forgot his jacket. She has a tummy ache. He doesn't understand love. He is afraid...

They all express this to you.
Today.

Your reaction matters.
What will you say?
What will your face tell them?
How long will it take you to answer?
Cause it matters,

today you will shape their forever.

Their forever.
They aren't going to remember that you were tired, or that you were sick, or that you didn't understand, or that you deserved better.

They are going to remember that you rolled your eyes, that you didn't play, that you shrugged them off.

That you just let them believe their lie.
Your reaction matters.
.
.
.
...
......
..

You matter.

Sin sucks....

…. the life out of you.

I hadn’t gotten it before and I am not claiming that I have it now.  But Karen & I were talking today and just trying to wrap our minds around sin, sorta.  Here’s what we got, or at least the idea/analogy I got from it all:

You are an athlete of sorts and one day you are out and about having fun.. doing crazy things and you get hurt.  We’ll say you sprained your ankle.  The reality of it is this: you are NOT running around on it the next day.  No sir-ee!!  You are icing, resting, resting, icing.  That thing is hurting!!  You may try to walk, or run, or limp.  But no way man.  You’re out!!

At least for a time.  Until you get better.  Until it is healed.

Well, in some odd way I feel that sin is just like that.  When you sin you are down for the count.  You are out of the game.  At least for a time.  I mean, you may try to carry on like nothing happened, but it did.  And you know it.  And somehow the Christians around you may know it too.

Cause I mean let’s be honest; if your teammate sprains their ankle and attempts to play on it.  They are NOT at 100% and you can tell.  Sure that’s cool of them for trying, but over time it is not going to work out.

They have got to get off the field and get better.

That is what happens when we sin.  We are out until we can truly reconcile our hearts to God.  We are not as effective as we can be until we have healed.  And unlike the world of sports; that healing process just might be our choice.

There is grace that is greater and Love that runs deep.

Take hope and live!!

Isaiah 6:7
2 Peter 1:5-7

a terrible person

          A breeze carries leaves through the air and the cloud cover confuses the weather into thinking today should be cold. It really isn't that cold, but then again I am wearing a sweater. Sitting on the picnic table I try to rid myself of onion breathe with a crisp apple, I think it might be working. Watching people as they pass, I am at rest.

          A guy on his red bike. Looking closer, I see he is out of breathe, poor fellow! But wait, is that the same guy that nearly ran me over as I walked to my car at school? He zips down the hill and out of sight. Rising from that very spot I spot a dog walker. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five dogs. She has her ear buds in and is clearly unimpressed with the lush green of the valley below her and the swirl of leaves trying to keep pace with her and her pups.

          She is also completely unaware of the fact that Fido right there has got to go! He tries once and she yanks him along. He slows once more. Tug tug tug. He gives up comfort and takes care of business right there on the trail, tail up, while they walk. She carries on. The jogger coming straight for them is captivated by the view of the valley below, unaware of the trail and the surprises Fido and his walker have left for anyone; for the the jogger.

          For a second I consider calling out, telling Jogger to "look out!!". But instead I take another bite of my apple. The taste of sweet and bitter spice mixing for breathe I can only imagine will make a child flee from me at least twice this afternoon.

From the Archives: This one's been sitting as a draft for a while now & is begging for your thoughts... finally :)

My cat’s name is Penne, you know, like the pasta!? Well her full name is Penelope Love Butt, but we’ll stick with Penne. Anyways!! So Penne.

I was thinking just now. A while back I had been worried about her cause she seemed so restless. Always following me around. Meowing more than usual. Getting antsy when we snuggled, and biting. All the time. Not to mention she was “missing the litter box”, if ya know what I mean!! Just completely out of character.

So I fussed over her. I worried about her. I lost sleep and I lost time because of it.

Then I realized I was losing my mind because of it.

I had let this little pet of mine control me.

Not on purpose; and it wasn’t manipulation.

It was worry.

So after much effort and realizations.. I stopped.

I simply stopped. I stopped worrying about her.

She was here for me.

I began to notice that she was happier.

She was less whinny.

She wanted to play outside.

She made it to the litter box.

It is only now though that I realize that Penne is no more than a reflection of my emotions. If I’m happy, she’s happy. If I’m nervous, so is she. If I lose sleep, the little one is restless. Yes, she still bites; but that’s just her saying “I’m hungry”.

She looks at me for food, water, fun, rest. She meows when I get home, and she stares when I leave. The thing sleeps, or stares at me. I am her everything (aside from moths). If I am well, she is well. So I need to be well.

There is a metaphor in here.. something I can learn about how I interact with God. I’m certain. :)

Kiddos!!

I have absolutely loved being able to spend my time working with the kids at both Fort Washington as well as at Fugman.  Learning to teach the children to handle conflict, hurt feelings, grief, anger, and excitement has been a challenge; but more than that it has been a delight!  I love that as I learn how to teach, they learn how to live.  God I ask that you bless these kids.  Even though I will be spending my time more at Fugman and not at Fort; I think it is for the better.  I ask that you place me well, and that these kids are able to grow into beautiful human beings; just as you made them.  Let me not get in the way of what you are doing in their lives; but instead let me encourage them as they grow.  I am excited to put aside the Mesa job and focus solely on the kids.  I am excited to be consistent with them, seeing them both morning and afternoon on a daily basis.  And I trust you to take care of the kids at Fort with out me!

Zero. Zip. Zilch.

I had no idea.

I had no idea what I had signed up for, simply by getting out of bed this morning.

I had no idea that I would be asked to dance while at work.

I had no idea that in offering my friend a ride home from school; I would be so deeply encouraged as she shared her life with me, that in her vulnerability and honesty I would witness healing. 

I had no idea that I could enjoy class more if I took the time to get to know my professor.

I had no idea that a spur of the moment In-N-Out run with my favorite sister would be so good and so necessary.

I had no idea that a hug could bring so much peace.

I had no idea that I was holding back and that honesty is the most freeing thing.

I had no idea that I would be so blessed with an abundance of free food.

I had no idea, but I am so glad.

So glad.

Thank you.

And that’s why you always stop to help people whose car has failed them!

So I’m driving home from River Park and I see a man pushing a vehicle along the right shoulder of the road.  I think to myself “Oh, I should help!  Uhh wait, he’s almost to the gas station, by the time I pull over to help I won’t even be needed.”  So I kept driving, I pass the first stoplight and I can’t stop thinking about it.  I pass the second stoplight and Jeff’s sermon pops into my mind and I now feel guilty for not stopping to help.  I realize I have nothing to gain by holding this regret all the way home; so I flip a U.  I get back to the spot where I saw said vehicle.  Nothing.  I drive around a nearby parking lot.  Nothing.  I look harder.  AHA!!  Found them!  I drive over, surveying the scene I realize that they are parked in a stall and that the gas station is closed.  Rolling down my window I ask the man, “Hey!  Are you the guy who was pushing his vehicle?!”  He replies with a chuckle and says “yes”.  I ask if I can help and he proceeds to explain that the problem actually can’t be fixed here, but that a tow truck is on its way.  However he makes sure to express his appreciation for my concern.  I brush it off as nothing, and realizing that I’m not gonna be of much help (just as I had predicted) I nod and say, “So, uh so then you guys are good.  Do you need to call anyone?  I mean… should I just go, or….” As I trail off the girl pops in; “Well, actually!  Would you like some free Starbucks food!?”  Caught completely off guard I furrow my brow and reply with, “Well, one can never refuse free food!?”  I get out of my car and walk over.  We make small talk she pulls out four breakfast sandwiches and a lunch wrap.  Giving me the small bundle of food, she looks at me with recognition; although I look familiar, we can’t place it.  After a couple seconds she too thanks me for my concern and as we say goodbye, her phone rings; their friends are on the way to help out.  I smile and thank her, she waves goodbye. 

And that was perty much it!  I didn’t get to help them, but I did get free food out of the deal.  It was an unexpectedly encouraging moment for me, and I got to giggle to myself all the way home.

New Book!

Title: The Christian Atheist
Author: Craig Groeschel
Why this book: We choose it for my LifeGroup!!
How much I've read: One chapter
Thoughts so far: Wowza, I know I needed encouragement.. I just wasn't expecting it here. 
Other thoughts: I really like Craig's writing style.  It's conversational, and convicting.. yet invites you to be honest with yourself.  I'm looking forward to more of it & will hopefully write again before I finish the book; we'll see though :)

Luke 6:45

In my recent blog browsing I came across this statement:

In a sense, you are what you read. That’s why I like sharing what I’m reading. It’s more than what’s going on inside my mind. It’s who I’m becoming.

That hit me so hard!! I always thought about how what you read/watch affects your thoughts and actions. But the way Mark Batterson said it, It's who I'm becoming... that really made me think!  So the books I choose, the movies I watch, the magazines I read.. those are what I am choosing to become!?

Think about it, and please share your thoughts with me if you have any!

windows and doors.

I’m in a dimly lit room.  No windows.  No doors. 

Sitting on the ground, I am content playing with my blocks. 

A few moments pass and I hear something, a slight draft hits me and I look up.  A man is there and a sliver of blue as tall as the room is revealed.

I’m slightly intrigued, but putting my head down I go on playing with my blocks.

As time goes by, the blue lightens and turns to pink, then a glowing orange.

I see the man now.

He is big.  Gentle and strong; he smiles at me. 

The sliver of orange gets larger as he opens the door. 

My eyes follow him as he moves past the doorway to a window and begins to open the curtain.  I am drawn to the beauty beyond.  I drop my blocks and scoot towards the window.  Outside I see a sight I have only before dreamed. 

The man invites me to stand.  I look into his eyes, and he directs my gaze to the room I am in.  I notice for the first time its depth. 

What I thought a cramped, dimly lit room has revealed to be a gorgeous library full of history, adventure, romance, and pain.  The smell is so rich, so familiar.  I am thrust into memories of long ago, and I begin to drown in the familiarity of it all.

The man calls me back towards himself.  I join him at the window.  Looking out the brightness is almost too much for me, but the beauty is so inviting. 

I hoist myself onto the sill, ready to jump through to the land beyond.  The man touches my arm.  His smile is comfortable and I realize that I want him.  I forget the room; I forget the unknown beauty of this world beyond.  The man has captivated me.

As I study him, he holds my gaze. 

We cross the room and I discover new things, at the same time remembering the old.  I realize that this room is my home.  When we reach the door I look out again.  Its beauty is as strong as the first time I saw it, but I look and see nothing I know. 

I begin to panic. 

I want so much to experience this beautiful world beyond. 

I see that the man has purposefully revealed it to me, but I don’t want to leave. 

I want to stay in this room forever.

He is here, the familiar is here.

I look up at the man with tears in my eyes.  Grateful of the land he has shown me, yet terrified at the thought of stepping into it.

He sees my tears and smirks, wiping them from my eyes. I understand that I am where I need to be; I am in this room, I am in his arms.

In revealing to me this new land I am seeing beauty.  The brightness has shown me that there is more to this room than what was being experienced.

 However, the door remains open, the window as well; their beauty a strong invite. But I am to stay with the man.  I want to stay with the man.

He tells me that he is not ready to leave the room yet.  There are more doors to open, more windows to reveal.  He invites me to get comfortable, to enjoy every bit of the room.

We will leave, but not yet; and definitely not separate.

When he is ready, he will take my hand and together we will venture into the lands beyond.  But until then I can explore the room in all its depth, looking out periodically to acquaint myself with the beauty that will someday be ours.

"There are basically two approaches to life: playing to win and playing not to lose."

IN A PIT WITH A LION ON A SNOWY DAY
Mark Batterson
Page 118

month one, book one.

Author: Mark Batterson

Chapters Read Thus Far: One

My Thoughts: This Is Gonna Be A Good Book

Page Number Quote Is Found On: Fifteen

Recommended By: Daniel Cox

Title: In a Pit With A Lion On A Snowy Day

Quote -- I think the church has fixated on sins of commission for far too long.  We have a long list of don'ts.  Think of it as holiness by subtraction.  We think holiness is the byproduct of subtracting something from our lives that shouldn’t be there.  And holiness certainly involves subtraction.  But I think God is more concerned about sins of omission – those things we could have and should have done.  It’s holiness by multiplication.  Goodness is not the absence of badness.  You can do nothing wrong and still do nothing right.  Those who simply run away from sin are half-Christians.  Our calling is much higher than simply running away from what’s wrong.  We’re called to chase lions.

Okay so here’s the “break it down into real life so that I can understand it” parallel:

So you may or may not know.. but I am not a health nut by any means!  When given the choice I will gladly eat white bread over wheat bread.  I snub my nose at whole grain pasta.  And will not for the life of me eat bran anything. 

I have tried every so often to eat healthier.. but always to my disappointment, a bucket of fruit didn’t give me the great happiness a whole box of chocolate cake could! 

So I’d eat a box of cake, and feel like a sloth for the next 14 days.

And so the cycle continued, try fruit.. get bored, eat cake.  Fruit, boredom, cake.. blah blagh blob.

I wanted to get in shape, but I couldn’t get the right foods in me to get moving.

So I sat there, unchanging and discouraged.

Likewise, I’m sure we all have sin in our lives we are failing to blow off.  We take those sins and hold tight to them, because they are too difficult to release.  But as we choose to hold tight to those sins, we may also choose to feel guilty about them.  So we try to release our grip on them, and like fly paper they just keep sticking to our greedy palms.  We see nothing but our sins and decided that since we are covered in fly glue, we won’t do anything.  We’ll likely sticky up anything we touch.

Well, Batterson invites us to look beyond the sticky mess, beyond the sins, beyond the blobs we feel we are.  He invites us instead to look at what we aren’t doing that God is also displeased with. 

Recently, a friend invited me to run a half marathon with her.  As she stood there with her invitation, I wondered if she could see that I was nothing more than a puddle of a person, eyeballs staring out from the box of cake holding me together. 

I figured she was blind and accepted anyways. 

I ate my captain crunch and met up with her. 

As we would wake up early mornings to train, I began to desire the healthier foods I had once snubbed my nose at.  As I consumed these foods, my performance improved.  My endurance improved and I began to crave the runs.  However, not once since I began training have I been burdened with the choice of choosing the “right food”.  The “right food” has just made sense.  It fuels me, I feel better, and that allows me to enjoy the run even more! 

I think the idea I am attempting to parallel is this: Setting your sights on the bigger run is not overambitious; it’s smart.  It forces the hand to feed you food instead of play with fly paper.  So stop trying to stop.  Just go.

books books books.

Dear Anybody Who Reads This,
So I have had a number of books on my shelves for who knows how long. Some of them half read.. some are untouched.. all have been raved about by at least one friend. Well, I have decided to change this!! Here is a list of 11 books that I will read by the end of the year.. well actually I only listed 9 .. if you could help recommend something new by the end of the year that would be swell!! Hopefully this will keep me stuck to my goal.

February ------- When Pigs Move In
March ---------- Velvet Elvis
April ---------- Sex God
May ------------ One In A Million
June ----------- The Screwtape Letters
July ----------- The Shack
August --------- God On Campus
September ------ Soul Cravings
October -------- Mere Christianity
November ------- I'll take a recommendation here
December ------- another recommendation

Love,
Bree :)

Colanders

Quick confession, this has been sitting as a draft for a while; but I think it is time.. if you read this I'd love to hear your thoughts!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok. So pretend that we are all colanders.

God can be... sand.. or water.
The holes in the colanders are all the places/ways in life that God is using us to bring his glory on earth.

So the water is poured into the colander. But it is then immediately poured out through the little holes. It is not always at the same rate that the water is put in, yet none-the-less; it pours out. As we let God pour into us, we are capable of pouring him straight back out. It is a steady flow; in comes God and out he goes. He can come into us anyway that he chooses, and he may choose to flow out through service, investing in people, or any other way. It's a healthy balance.

However, I think that maybe in life we get distracted by how many holes that God has put in our colander. And as the distractions take over, we freak out and ask him to take away the holes; or maybe we just try to plug up the holes ourselves. The only problem is that we can't actually plug the holes, or get rid of them. Even if you pour the water in only until it is full, the water will eventually flow right on through the colander; it’s inevitable. You can try to plug up the holes, and you can put other things in the colander to slow the flow… so that you can keep the water in; but the colander was made to flow, one way or the other it will let the water out.

The colander was made with the sole purpose of
allowing whatever was poured into it to flow out.

Instead of worrying about how to make holes, plug holes, or fill holes; focus on how to fill yourself with God. The holes are there.. invite the flow!

a new word.

This compelled me to look up the definition of a word that is new to me.

I really like that word!! It seems to be that balance I’ve been looking for. That balance between bluntness, & nice (you know, the nicey-nice kind of nice that makes you wanna grab a persons shoulders and shake them?!)

And I like the idea of candor because when seen in a person; there is truth.

I think sincerity is the key. It keeps people in check.

one thing in common.