thinking out loud

so, i havent really just poured my thoughts out in typing before, but there can be a first time for everything. this is just me thinking out loud so to speak, so it makes sense to me (but that doesnt mean much)... anywho, lets go with this and see where it ends up . . . . im a sinner. but i have freedom cause God is overflowing with grace and decided that he wants to love me. i am so thankful for that. i know that i will always have crap in my life. just cause God is in me doesnt mean that my life gets easier, it just mean that i have success on my side, he is fighting for me, with me. yes, fighting cause there will always be a battle. the great part about it is, i know that he is going to win. often i get distracted. i take a detour from god, yet He seeks me out, reminding me of who He sees me as. who i am. i am running back to Him. but thats also why God provides community. we are not meant to do this thing alone, we are in it for the long haul, the whole body, all together. we are to be "joined and held together by every supporting member,in Christ, so that we can grow and build each other up in love, as each of us does our part". we will fail alone. we will fail without support. we will fail without God. sometimes it seems super confuseing, like what am i supposed to do, why cant God be more clear. im not sure if i have answers, but i know that ido have the word of God. He loves us a whole lot and wants us to live for Him, im learning how to do that, i will always be learning. i know that i am supposed to love and i know that i am supposed to be copying God. weird, yet it makes it seem a little easier i guess, knowing that he doesnt expect me to have a clue on how to be perfect. He knows that alone, i am no good. i screw up and am quick to follow what seems to be right, but often is not. in my imperfections he still reminds me that He loves me, therefore He has told me through His word, to just immitate him. He is the perfect one, I strive to be like Him, i am not Him. But i can copy him in his perfection, well at least i can try. so why not do just that. since his love is so big i cant contain it in myself alone. this in turn allows me to be filled completely, then overflow that love to other people. i will never empty of his love, only continuing to get more, so long as i overflow it to others. which is perty easy if i continue to seek his face. and as i seek him i will find him cause i will do it whole-heartedly. my desire is to be like christ. i want him and i want him in me all the time and i dont need anything else. he totally provides. always. i know that as i seek him i will grow. i will grow closer to him, i will know his will and be able to see the lies that are of satan. i will be able to decipher what is what, and know how to react. i will never be perfect. i wont be 100%, at least not here, not as long as i have this skin. but i will get 'better'. my struggles will become easier to rebuke, the untruths more quickly recognized. i am excited for that.for the journey, the growth. it is happeneing.God i just thank you. thank you for everything. i am totally undeserving, but i choose to accept the grace that you offer me. you will continue to offer it and i am so glad cause i need it. i need you.and by the way, why is it so easy to know what to do, but so hard to do it. i suppose its all a part of this whole i am human thing, ah dang!ephesians 4:15jeremiah 29:13james 5:162 timothy 1:7tony p asked the other nite "what if we acted in every good and pure thought that we had" ... .... think about it