Boggle

So the last few months, God has been changing a lot of things in my life. It has been difficult, & definitely uncomfortable; yet through it all, good. But now I feel I have kinda gotten to the point, that if this life were a game of boggle, we are in the last of the settling phase; trying to get that one last letter to just straighten up a bit. By no means is that to say that what lies ahead is easy (for all i know this board may be filled with Qs, Ws, Zs . . . . all next to each other with no vowels to be found!), but I am ready to see what it holds.
Life is new, life is challenging, & it is most certainly beautiful!
Let's go!!

The Art of Asking

The art of asking is something that is something that I have been working to grow as of late.

a. The art of asking – delegation: Being “in charge” of this after school program, & co-interning at the Rock has placed responsibilities on me that were not previously there. But I have realized that if I were to do all that I am responsible for, single handedly.. I would probably die. However, each program is set up in a way where there are teams of people. There are others who are eager to be a part of this thing, who are yearning to love in the ways that I myself have been called as well. This is brilliant! This is the body of Christ!
- And a note to all those people; thank you so much! Thank you for your energy, your desire, & your love for serving. It is beautiful & I am so glad to be a part of these programs with you.

b. The art of asking – needing resources: The after school program is run through a non-profit organization. This means that as much as we can, we have to get help.. free help. So this past weekend I went around town and asked a few companies for some donations. It was beautiful! I simply asked, stating my need & watched as each place in turn opened up their registers & gave:
- Foods Co gave me a $25 gift card
- I got 25, $5 pumpkins for 15 bucks total
- A dry cleaner donated 22 hangers
- & soon I’m off to talk to a manager about donating snacks for the year

craters.

As we try to fill our "God shaped Holes" with people, we find ourselves frustrated and empty.
But when we turn to God, we find our hearts open to people and discover our need for them more than ever before.

We need each other; we need people; we need community; we need relationship; we need God.
These are all interconnected, and they flow in all directions.

And I'm thinking that a certain part of life involves figuring out what goes where.
Once we know how to fill the God Holes, with stuff that God should fill . . . the other voids will be filled .
A visual just came to mind:
So there is this giant crater (God shaped hole)
But within this giant crater are tiny little craters (normal life worries: job, school, relationships).
Often we are distracted by the tiny little craters. We focus on getting them filled.
Then after they are filled we look at the giant crater and work on filling it. All the while, little bundles of tiny craters keep popping up to distract.
But what if we just fill the giant crater (Fill that hole with the Lord). There is a chain reaction that happens, we no longer have to individually care for the tiny holes.
I mean, yes.. the tiny holes will still be created. But because the giant hole is filled, it will step in and fill the random little holes. All the while we just have to remain focused on keeping the giant hole filled.

Thoughts?!

Sorry, you're just not good enough.

I'm dealing with feelings of inadequacy; & currently I feel that God has given me a bigger task & is now trusting me to make it happen. But I can't, I don't know what I'm doing, what if I mess up!

“Hey Bree, don’t worry; you’re too tiny to get in the way of where the Holy Spirit is moving”.

So we are invited to follow the Lord. And even as our tasks get bigger & our responsibilities increase, we are still just following Him.

We were talking last night about delegation & Josh said “never ask anyone to do what you yourself would not.” With this, I’m not saying that God has asked me to do something he wouldn’t. But the fact that this after school program is one of the biggest things God has asked me to do thus far; it’s tempting to think that he’s letting me do it alone. That he trusts me enough to get it done alone. But that’s not right at all. God wouldn’t ask me to do something that he himself would not. Now, although he may see that I am capable; what he sees is not my ability to accomplish such a feat alone. Yes, he sees that I am ready to leave the bunny hill I’ve been at & go with him down the real mountain; but the point is that it’s not just me. At no point has he left me, nor will he leave me.

I will never be good enough to do this alone.

I will never be good enough to do anything alone,

& this fact is so encouraging!

I may get better at following; but I’ll never have enough “get better” moments where I can lead without following Him first. And I don’t even need to be good enough to do anything without the Lord!

So I shall stop worrying & keep following.

Following is what got me here in the first place, & following is what’s gonna keep me going!

Dear Satan,

I will not listen to your lies about how I am inadequate & that I am alone in all this. You have no authority & your words are just so silly. You see, Christ has died for me. His blood was shed for me, & in His Holy Name I am perfectly adequate. He lives in me & with that:

I will not be tempted by worry – 1 Peter 5:7

I will not sit in fear – 1 John 4:18

Dear Father,

I apologize that I am so easily enticed by the lies of the Evil One. However, I aim to more intentionally see you. I don’t want to take you for advantage; so I would like to actively seek to see how you are good. I would like to be familiar with the power you have instilled in me; through the Spirit you have given to live in me, & for me to live by:

I follow you – Mark 1:17.18

I rest in you – Matthew 11:28

I am not alone – Deuteronomy 31:6

You are my joy – Nehemiah 8:10

In you I have peace – Romans 5:1.2

You are my confidence – Hebrews 10:19.20.21.22.35

Through You I can love – 1 John 4:19

I may not be good enough to lead alone; but I am not inadequate where I lead because I’m indeed, not alone.

Let Love Flow

So when loving gets too hard, simply let Love love.

The idea that we try really hard to love [others, ourselves, God].
But the harder we try to love, the more difficult it becomes.
I think this is because we are focused too much on the outward motion of love.
But we have to be aware that if we are not first receiving the love God has for us, then we have nothing to give.

We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:19

When things get hard, people seem unlovable, and it feels that everything you put your mind to is a failure; take a step back and sit in the love God has for you.
It is here, & only here; with his love pouring through your soul, that you can rest.
You can feel love.
You can feel Love.
Then loving will come. Love for God, self, and others.

ramble ramble

Everyone has left.

Peace be with them.

I am story writing.

The dryer was the only noise

[aside from the taping of my fingers on the keys].

Not even that remains.

The silence is loud.

Funny how that is,

loud silence.

I mean, I guess it could make sense

but really, I think it’s mainly to do

with the fact that we are constantly

surrounded with things. With noise.

So to have NOthing

is just too much,

of too little.

I had workouts today.

We exercised love.

We are aren’t quite there yet,

but hey, practice makes.. better!

Repetition is a key.