experienced by Bree & Carrie ; on October 3, 2010
So 2 weeks ago Carrie and I were having crappy weeks. Well we decided that we needed to ditch town for a weekend; get away from the normal. So we took off to San Francisco. My sister has a friend who currently resides in Berkeley and she let us stay at her place Saturday night. Sunday morning we woke up, and with minimal plans (coffee, eat fish & chips, walk across the Golden Gate Bridge, and scarf down a Ghirardelli’s Sundae… all in no particular order) and set off for San Francisco!
We had arrived early, the rain from the night before still soaking the ground, the sun out, and us…. driving :) We parked near fisherman’s Wharf and started walking towards the bridge (Mind you! We hadn’t realized that the bridge was about 4 miles from Fisherman’s wharf!!)
Anyways! We went for it without knowing. We stopped at a coffee shop and gathered our energies…. and three hours later we had made it to the Golden Gate Bridge!! We ascended the steps and began the walk across, stopping every so often to look out across the bay.
It was windy and sunny; my light sweater was just enough to keep the chill off, but not enough to keep me from wanting something thicker. But despite the cold, we kept on!
About a third of the way through Carrie grabs my arm and a look of worry overcomes her; “Bree. I think that man just tried to jump off the side.” I am thrown off by the statement and only slightly concerned; but by the time I look at the man in question, his suspicious behavior had ceased. Not really sure what she had see; we kept on our walk. However, neither of us could really feel at peace about the conversation that had just happened.
We stop again and this time I looked back, watching this man. I pay close attention to his body language the best I can; I’m about 40 yards away. I notice he seems very anxious. He's near a lamppost and in his arms he tightly clutching his jacket; winding it around and around in his arms he peers back and forth with darting glances, then stops abruptly. Foot taping with the speed of a freight train, he pulls what I imagine to be a wedding band off his left hand and thrusts it into his jacket bundle.
My stomach drops to my toes and sickness overcomes my entire body. With my heart racing I realize that what Carrie had assumed, was in fact truth. This man wanted to end his life by jumping off the bridge and we were going to witness the whole thing.
In a state of sheer panic, Carrie and I agree to act. We rush over to the man and without words we stand near him. Just stand. His actions are still very spastic and distracted. I assume he notices us because he takes off in a speed walk towards the other end of the bridge. We follow. He pauses again at another lamppost and it is then that I realize that we are the answer to our pleas to God for this man. We are the ones who are going to stop and talk with him.
We stop on the other side of the lamppost and I bombard him with a frantic rush of words:
“Hi!! Hi, how are you?!”
Fine..??!
“Oh! Good. So are you from around here!?”
Uh... yea.
(He is still very distracted and so I blabber on with the hope of keeping him in our presence. After asking questions about the weather and where he lives; then assuring him that we were not lost, nor did we need directions; I saw that he held the understanding that we knew something was up… he was listening, so I go for it.)
“So, um. I know this is gonna sound weird. But I just really felt that I should let you know that you are loved by God. I apologize if you.. if this feels awkward. I don’t normally talk to people like this. It’s just that… I mean… we were just walking on the bridge… and .. and we saw you… and I mean.. IS THERE ANYTHING YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT?!! …….. (silence, blank stare; lasts about the longest one second of my life)… Okay, I’m sorry. Okay, we can go. I mean… I don’t wanna bother you, we were just walking an....”
(He interrupts me, and very calmly he asks us “if we were there because of why he thought we were there”).
Me, completely frazzled and confused, I declare that I have no idea what I am doing there and ask him what he assumes.
Well; do you think I’m going to jump?
(Silence. He continues on.)
Cause I was considering it. I mean, I can’t bring myself to do it.. but I was considering it.
He then proceeds to spill to us EVERYTHING. Fifteen minutes later he shakes his shoulders out, and unwraps his jacket bundle. Puts his ring back on. His belt back on. He puts his wallet back into his pocket. He puts his hat, glasses, and jacket back on and invites us to walk with him.
It turns out that he lives three blocks from where we parked (those four miles away!!) and he had also walked to the bridge that day. For 3 ½ hours, Carrie and I lived life with a man who had intended on being dead. We laughed; and we were serious, all the while bumping elbows as we walked the stretch of path along the San Francisco Bay. Carrie was able to relate to him in an incredible way! He kept asking question! My favorite being; “But you look like you are doing fine. You’ve been through all that and you look great. How?! How is that?”
We were invited to share God’s hope. We were able to listen; and to laugh.
We were able to allow God to be there to affirm a man who had not let a word about his sufferings land on the ears of anyone in 20+ years. He experienced freedom.
Aside from his story, his name is all I have of his.
I don’t know where he is now; but I do know that God loves him. God loves him enough to send us from Fresno to walk him home.
He knows that too.
I don’t know where he is going; but I do know that he is seeking to reconcile with a friend and maybe even check himself into a place to get help.
God loves him.
I love him.
Carrie loves him.
And I think he might even be starting to love himself.
God can use our uncertainties, our lack of eloquence, and our willingness, to do great things.
It still feels like this was just a really good movie I saw recently, rather than me witnessing God changing a life.