Stay or Go.

This was the word for Wednesday’s devotional.  And this is was the devotional I replayed on Thursday, and again on Friday.  Each time he tells me the opposite of the most important word in the Bible, tears well up in my eyes and I am overwhelmed. 

I am not sad, I am not upset; simply overwhelmed.

It’s a good word, a short word.

A two letter word.

And maybe even the most important word in the Bible, at least the top 5.

This word presses all Christians forward.

Abraham heard this word and packed up his family and moved.

David heard this word and went into Jerusalem dancing.

The disciples heard this word and followed Jesus.

Every person who really takes the Bible seriously heard this word.

I’m not gonna tell you what the word it, but I will tell you the opposite of this word.

The opposite of this word is stay.

We want to stay, we want to stay put.

Stay healthy, stay rich, stay with family.

But for those of us who hear the word.

They must. 

Go.

-Curt Harlow

I have lived in Fresno my entire life, and I have a bit of time left here. 

For a while this bothered me, it bothered me that my friends could move and I stayed. 

It bothered me that school was a drag yet I stayed. 

So I seek God.

On Thursday I got an email for an organization called YouthWorks and they are looking to hire summer staff.  I looked them up, I was interested.  To join that team would be to go.

I want to go. 

I acknowledge the unknown.  I acknowledge the vulnerability.

I acknowledge that it would be fun.  I acknowledge that I am nervous.

I acknowledge that I want this.  I acknowledge that I may be rejected.

But my desire to be with God is bigger than my desire to stay comfortable and I am eager to see what that does to my idea of home.

The (dis)Comfort of Trust

God rarely makes sense in the ways that chooses to do things. As he's up there brainstorming ideas and whatnot, somebody's looking over his shoulder at his notes and simply saying
"really.. That's the way you're choosing to do this, THIS is the solution you're sticking with then!? Nobody is gonna believe you!! Do something more traditional" and with a look of doubt & a scoff, they turn away.

Story of my life!!!! If God doesn't give me a kajillion dollars when I realize the budget is tight, I tend to worry. I begin to doubt the decisions I've made to get me here. I begin believing that my decisions and ability to screw it up is bigger than Gods desire to provide for me.
This morning though, I choose to trust that he has me. I trust that he wants to take care of me. I trust that he wants to provide.
By no means is it easy, by no means does it make much sense... But I have resolved that God won't use a stressed Bree... Therefore a trusting Bree will just have to do.
Here goes nothing, or perhaps.. It's everything!!

Psalm 3:5 -- trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
1 Timothy 6:17
Luke 12:22+

Words.

I absolutely love words!

I love that with the right combination of them, you can say anything you want.

You can express your intangible emotions with words.  You can make up an alternate reality or another world with words.  You can build someone up, and tear someone else down; with words.  You can speak life into people with words. Fact, words are incredibly powerful!

And ironically enough, this video speaks very few.

Poles polls pulls pools

His shoes won't stay on his feet. She ran out of gas. She wants to play a game with you. He wants to tell you his life story. She tries to shock you with the truth. She is overwhelmed. He forgot his jacket. She has a tummy ache. He doesn't understand love. He is afraid...

They all express this to you.
Today.

Your reaction matters.
What will you say?
What will your face tell them?
How long will it take you to answer?
Cause it matters,

today you will shape their forever.

Their forever.
They aren't going to remember that you were tired, or that you were sick, or that you didn't understand, or that you deserved better.

They are going to remember that you rolled your eyes, that you didn't play, that you shrugged them off.

That you just let them believe their lie.
Your reaction matters.
.
.
.
...
......
..

You matter.

Sin sucks....

…. the life out of you.

I hadn’t gotten it before and I am not claiming that I have it now.  But Karen & I were talking today and just trying to wrap our minds around sin, sorta.  Here’s what we got, or at least the idea/analogy I got from it all:

You are an athlete of sorts and one day you are out and about having fun.. doing crazy things and you get hurt.  We’ll say you sprained your ankle.  The reality of it is this: you are NOT running around on it the next day.  No sir-ee!!  You are icing, resting, resting, icing.  That thing is hurting!!  You may try to walk, or run, or limp.  But no way man.  You’re out!!

At least for a time.  Until you get better.  Until it is healed.

Well, in some odd way I feel that sin is just like that.  When you sin you are down for the count.  You are out of the game.  At least for a time.  I mean, you may try to carry on like nothing happened, but it did.  And you know it.  And somehow the Christians around you may know it too.

Cause I mean let’s be honest; if your teammate sprains their ankle and attempts to play on it.  They are NOT at 100% and you can tell.  Sure that’s cool of them for trying, but over time it is not going to work out.

They have got to get off the field and get better.

That is what happens when we sin.  We are out until we can truly reconcile our hearts to God.  We are not as effective as we can be until we have healed.  And unlike the world of sports; that healing process just might be our choice.

There is grace that is greater and Love that runs deep.

Take hope and live!!

Isaiah 6:7
2 Peter 1:5-7

a terrible person

          A breeze carries leaves through the air and the cloud cover confuses the weather into thinking today should be cold. It really isn't that cold, but then again I am wearing a sweater. Sitting on the picnic table I try to rid myself of onion breathe with a crisp apple, I think it might be working. Watching people as they pass, I am at rest.

          A guy on his red bike. Looking closer, I see he is out of breathe, poor fellow! But wait, is that the same guy that nearly ran me over as I walked to my car at school? He zips down the hill and out of sight. Rising from that very spot I spot a dog walker. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Five dogs. She has her ear buds in and is clearly unimpressed with the lush green of the valley below her and the swirl of leaves trying to keep pace with her and her pups.

          She is also completely unaware of the fact that Fido right there has got to go! He tries once and she yanks him along. He slows once more. Tug tug tug. He gives up comfort and takes care of business right there on the trail, tail up, while they walk. She carries on. The jogger coming straight for them is captivated by the view of the valley below, unaware of the trail and the surprises Fido and his walker have left for anyone; for the the jogger.

          For a second I consider calling out, telling Jogger to "look out!!". But instead I take another bite of my apple. The taste of sweet and bitter spice mixing for breathe I can only imagine will make a child flee from me at least twice this afternoon.

From the Archives: This one's been sitting as a draft for a while now & is begging for your thoughts... finally :)

My cat’s name is Penne, you know, like the pasta!? Well her full name is Penelope Love Butt, but we’ll stick with Penne. Anyways!! So Penne.

I was thinking just now. A while back I had been worried about her cause she seemed so restless. Always following me around. Meowing more than usual. Getting antsy when we snuggled, and biting. All the time. Not to mention she was “missing the litter box”, if ya know what I mean!! Just completely out of character.

So I fussed over her. I worried about her. I lost sleep and I lost time because of it.

Then I realized I was losing my mind because of it.

I had let this little pet of mine control me.

Not on purpose; and it wasn’t manipulation.

It was worry.

So after much effort and realizations.. I stopped.

I simply stopped. I stopped worrying about her.

She was here for me.

I began to notice that she was happier.

She was less whinny.

She wanted to play outside.

She made it to the litter box.

It is only now though that I realize that Penne is no more than a reflection of my emotions. If I’m happy, she’s happy. If I’m nervous, so is she. If I lose sleep, the little one is restless. Yes, she still bites; but that’s just her saying “I’m hungry”.

She looks at me for food, water, fun, rest. She meows when I get home, and she stares when I leave. The thing sleeps, or stares at me. I am her everything (aside from moths). If I am well, she is well. So I need to be well.

There is a metaphor in here.. something I can learn about how I interact with God. I’m certain. :)