Thoughts, Part I

Inspired to write after talking this out a bit with Terri.
There is a lot here.
It is semi-incomplete thinking.
But I hope that what is here makes sense!
If it doesn’t then just stop reading and ask me in person (it is quite late)..
:)

Nelson Mandela
*************
Our deepest fear is not that we are
inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful
beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness,
that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small
doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won t feel insecure
around you.
We were born to make manifest
the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission
to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

The direction we were going was along these lines:
- If “inadequacy” is not what I fear, & being “powerful beyond measure” is; then what is “powerful beyond measure”?
- Assuming “inadequacy” comes from Satan, could I safely say that “powerful beyond measure” comes from the LORD?
- And assuming that “our light” is God & everything good, why do I fear that more than I fear “our darkness”; which I take to mean Satan & all that is not of God?

Why does our light frighten us the most & not our darkness? That doesn’t really make much sense. Shouldn’t the things inside us that are FAR from the character of God, scare us the most?!
As Christians we are constantly striving to be better, to be “more like Jesus”. In those actions we seem to be afraid of the darkness in us.
But here, Nelson claims that we are not afraid of that darkness.. he says that we are afraid of our light. We are frightened by our light.
If we are frightened by our light, why do we strive so much to be like Him (our Light?!)? … sit on that for a second.

- Why does our light frighten us the most & not our darkness?
- Why does Nelson say that my deepest fear is not inadequacy, but is in fact that I am powerful beyond measure?
- What does it mean to be “powerful beyond measure”?
- In what situations have I “shrank so that other people wouldn’t feel insecure around me”?
- If we were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, why does God’s power scare us?

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
….
Fear comes from Satan. It is not of the Lord. Yet still it has such a huge rule in our lives. In mine I have recognized a fear of inadequacy (which is the main reason this passage caught my attention!).
Inadequacy is something that I have experience with.
I feel inadequate in the ways that I relate with other people (will they like me, am I enough for them, am I needed by them; even more, am I wanted by them?) these are the questions that I ask myself in the midst of feeling inadequate.
Then I come across this passage & I am told that I do not fear that I am inadequate!? What?! Yes I do! I feel very inadequate & that scares me!
Oiy!... Well alright Nelson, what are you saying here???

[so I play into the game, even if for a second...]
So now [accepting that] I [do] fear that I am powerful beyond measure [and do not fear that I am inadequate]; I am just a tad confused…
Ok?! Well, power seems to be quite the opposite of inadequacy.
I immediately assume that someone who is powerful beyond measure would be confident!
But wait.. then I thought some more..
Powerful beyond measure.
Ok.. As humans we have a scale of power.
- We see people who own their own house – power
- We see people who own their own restaurant – more power
- Then there are the people who own their own company.. huge companies (Bill Gates status) – very powerful
The thing though is this. Each of these “stages of power” can be measured.. Bill gates, compared to the house owner is VERY POWERFUL!! But the statement “powerful beyond measure”. That doesn’t fit into this little scale that we as humans are familiar with. Powerful BEYOND measure”.
- What does that look like?
- Where on that scale is “beyond measure”??!
As I sit on the thought that “powerful beyond measure” is beyond my realm of thought… things start to fall into place for me.
I see that things outside of our scales, or realms of familiarity are in fact scary.
Measure is comfortable. It is something we know.
Beyond measure is uncomfortable. It is unfamiliar.
Inadequacy can be measured. There is a line that says whether something is good enough or not.
….
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
….
Nelson declares that this inadequacy; which we have experienced, which we can measure; is not what we fear.
We instead fear this power; it is new & beyond any power we have ever been able to measure. This power that most of us have never experienced.

This Power; that we were born with, is what we fear.
Despite the fact that it is good, we don’t know how it works; It is unfamiliar & scary.
Sitting in the fear of inadequacy is familiar, we know how to work through it, we know how to deal with it.
It is much more comfortable to sit in this familiarity of fear than it is stretch and experience this immeasurable power that the Lord has for us. That we were born to share with the world!!

Inadequacy is comfortable. It is something we know.
Beyond measure is uncomfortable. It is unfamiliar.
We don’t normally fear the familiar,
It is the unfamiliar that gets us shakin’ in our boots!

It is starting to make a bit more sense now.
Inadequacy is a lie. Once I see this I can call Satan out & surrender to God. I am still not comfortable with the unfamiliar, of the new; of this Power of God. But I no longer fear that I am inadequate. Because although I, Bree, AM inadequate. I have the Lord of the universe alive in me. Therefore, I am not inadequate. I am just not sure how to use this power that is beyond my realm of understanding.

”I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.” (john 14:12)

“Let’s abandon fear & step up to that call
Move on to something better
Live on for something better”
- dominic balli

Ok, I’m done for now… but there is so much more thought that I have for this…
:)

I'm pondering this:

The following was said of a professor: "This guy is great! He loves what he does, and he loves his students.. he is honest too! But more than that; he understands the great responsibility that comes with being honest."

understand the great responsibility that comes with being honest

peace::.

mission accomplished. im feeling pretty good about this.!

the chipotle i had for lunch came with a side of beautiful company & wonderful talkage.

fact. i may or may not have just figured out why our pool is green.
oh! and fixed the possible issue :)

the smell of rain is oober calming... mmm..

i am off to sac town again.
its is our last tourney of the season.
for this i am thankful! i will not be coaching for clovis again. don't get me wrong! it was a good run, i learned a lot.. ... a lot about coaching, what to do; what not to do. i also did a lot of stepping out of comfort zones, which was fun!
i HAVE enjoyed it. and the girls are wonderful, but i am not feeling the need to remain there.
i have accomplished what was necessary!?
huh.. ill think this through laterishly soon!

anyways.. :) i want to leave you all with this!
enjoy today, its not often we get a warm &gentle rain.


although is it true??: that there was a thunder storm!
i wish i hadn't of missed it!

must pack! must pack! and clean some!!

so i am stoked outta my mind! me and halfie are off to santa barbara today! road trip!! im thinking we should stop at Dewars in bakersfield (i believe it is right off the freeway) and get some of those peanut butter candies for the weekend!!
but yes! i need to pack and clean my room a bit. Ii hate coming home after being gone, and your room is all messy. its not very inspiring. then you never end up emptying the suitcase and you live out of it till your next trip (a least thats what i have done since the volleyball tourney in sac town . . .. ) yeaa.
but anyways!! i am excited! i shall see you soon alana, and halfie i will see you even sooner! i actually believe i will see both of you before you see this note!!
oh! and ataloa! i love you a lot and want to have coffee (or tea!) soon. see how you are doing and such!!
god is good.
he has sent beautiful weather for a road trip.
im thinking windows down all the way (full enjoyment factor) . . . . . maybe a ponytail is in order
:)

&beauty

so today i was driving a lot . . . . but it was wonderful!!
the first little moment that i appreciated was while driving past a junior high school. it was probably the last period of the day, the janitors were getting things out of their closet to get ready to clean up the halls for the day. well one of them was playing on the monkey bars. it made me happy to see such abandon! such carefree living in an adult women! i feel that i dont see that as often as i would like. thanks for her joy :)
then i was driving some more, on my way home to see the fam for the evening. as i was heading over the pass above the railroad tracks on herndon; i caught a glimpse of the mountains in my rear view mirror. i was in awe. i made a u-turn to go and see it again. (fortunately i was able to drive slowly cause nobody was behind me.) i have never seen the mountains so beautiful! seriously! i could see them as far as they went, north to south. with the windows down the air was so crisp. it was truly magnificent.
its days like today that i love. i feel that so often our society, our culture, doesn't allow us to experience life the way God intended. not always but often. adults have to be mature. or at least act like they are mature...
but then the rain falls.
it washes the air clean
and we can breathe again.
we abandon fear,
the cares of how we are "supposed" to act
we just simply live
and enjoy this beautiful view
this view that was made for us
the people of fresno.

thanks jesus!!
:)

now i shall go enjoy my mom and my sister. they will be arriving home soon.

good luck??!

ok, so i have thought about this on and off, never for too long. i have also come up with some answers, but i have forgotten them at the moment and have decided to ask for suggestions (in the hope that it will help me to remember)!!
so here is the thing: i often find myself in a situation where i want to tell the other person good luck (like say mary jean has an exam today and its gonna be tough. "good luck on your exam mary jean!" would be my usual cry. but it is mainly due to lack of something else to say.
so basically my question is this. what else is there besides "good luck" . . . .