anxious

so, im not often anxious. but this past week or so, i think this has actually been the case. not really sure what is going on. ive got the feeling of change that is so good. this knowledge that god is moving and he is inviting me to join. but then, there is this tiny desire to latch on to what is familiar. this long forgotten desire to be lazy, to be passive, to just let life happen without me.

here is one thing, god doesnt need me. god doesnt have to use me. i dont need to be the one to pray for students. he doesnt need me to talk to my dad and be a friend. anybody else can clothe the naked and feed the hungry. house the traveler and love.

but here is the thing. despite the fact that i am not needed, and i am not the only one. despite the fact that there are billions of other people in this world and about half of them could probably do my life much better than me. god has chosen me. he has decided to trust me, little me, with this life.

im not needed, but i am wanted. god wants me to live. he wants me to pray. he desires that i be a friend to my dad. anybody else can do all that, but i am asked, invited into his work. to clothe the naked and feed the hungry. he has offered to me the opportunity to house the traveler and to love. he has given me passions for these.

so because i have been invited to such a spectacular life, i want to accept. i will accept. i have accepted. i praise god for his interest in me. for his interest in all that is happening in this life. i will not give in to those long forgotten desires. not only are they forgotten, but they are overcome. they have been banished in the name of christ. instead i will live. i will live in the truth that i can persevere and love. that i can take joy in my creator.

i know what i want to be a part of. i am learning how to do this. i am learning how to get connected and how to be active. i dont just want to have a good idea of what i want for my life. but currently that is all that it feels like. an idea. and that is probably all that it is. i realize that the more i pray, the more that idea i have grows. the more confidence i have in my abilities. the more i trust that god is leading.

and duh! of course that is true! i mean, prayer; its how i communicate with my creator, my lead, my god. really now!? i must quit realizing (ok, well actually i musnt quit. but ive gotta quit stopping after the realizations) and ive gotta keep going, start acting. ive gotta hear the game plan. then ive gotta go. trust god.

remember, he doesnt need us, yet he has chosen to use us. that means hes got things figured out. its all a matter of who is ready to move. am i ready to move? am i ready to go beyond realizing what needs to be done and continue into doing? into living.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

ok, so im not anxious. just knowing that god is moving. knowing that god is growing us as a community. its exciting, but it is also the realization that things will change. not god, but us. and the thing is, 2 weeks ago, i was comfortable. and recognizing that god wants to change me, well that made me uncomfortable. but i will trust, cause i know that even though i feel "this/now" is good, whatever god has planned for us is so much better.

so friends. join me in prayer. for life. for the ways that god has invited us to action in this city. on our campuses. each person has an invitation. our path may be a little different than our neighbors, and our tasks a bit different too. but we are all working to strengthen the same kingdom. we need encouragement. i need encouragement.

lets not just sit here and let life happen. lets join hands, and with our father, lets answer the call. together.

lets pray.
lets act.
cause when all is said and done, ideas were never really that good if thats all they remained.